Shutting Down My Mind

Someone needs to stop the speeding train also known as my brain. It is 11:30 pm and I am wide awake. I hate this. I've actually been sleeping pretty well lately but have bouts with sleeplessness once in awhile. Mostly, they are due to anxiety and it is likely that is the cause of tonight's adventures.

Taking down time is a big thing for me and rarely happens. I like to work and I like to work a lot. I usually work on vacation and almost always work 7 days a week at least for a little bit every day. It is easier for me to manage everything in my world if I just keeping moving along at a quick pace cause when I stop then things start to pile up. I have done a good job the past few days of just trying to "be." I have been reading a cool book and I baked and I have played choo choo's. However, I think it is time I get back to me being myself so I stop dwelling on things I can't control....

My problem right now is that I am fixated on all the negative stories in the news. The little girl mutilated by her babysitter, the horrific story about the fire in Connecticut, and Christmas killings in Texas. What in the world is happening in the world? From what I have read, the fire was a terrible, terrible accident and I know first hand about fire and accidents and death because I have been through it. That story hits particularly close to home so I understand the feeling of anxiousness about that one but the other stories are really getting to me as well.

When I am chasing Jackson and working and staying busy, I don't have time to see the news everyday and I don't have time to sit and think about all the bad things that can happen. Having cut back on work the last few days, I keep reading the updates over and over and my mind is running a million miles a minute and I can't stop it.

On nights like these, I seriously consider sleeping outside Jackson's room or better yet, sneaking in and sleeping next to him. The problem is that I can't sneak myself, Jason, and the dogs in so I should probably just let Jackson sleep. I worry for him and his future and I worry for Jason and I but I am not really sure what I am worried about but maybe that gives me an extra reason to worry (I am a born worrier in case you didn't know....).

For now, I will drink my milk to hopefully help my heartburn and maybe check some emails or put together pre-race instructions for an upcoming event. It might help slow my mind so I can get some rest....

How well do you know your neighbor?

It has been a lovely day.  I ran 12 miles with a dear friend and a new friend.  I took Jackson to the Zoo and had decided to lay down for a little nap. Yes, a nap. I am on vacay and felt that taking a little siesta while he napped was totally appropriate.

Before I laid down, I grabbed my laptop and sat on the sofa to make sure a few last minute details were cleared up for year end for work.  From the other side of our family room wall, I heard what sounded like an alarm.

Ruth is our neighbor.  She is very old. Last year, she broke her hip and lately we have seen her son around and we had been thinking maybe her health has been bad again.

We don't see her much. In fact, when we moved in, it was well over 3 months before we saw her for the first time.  She asked us if her TV bothers us (we live in a condo development so our walls connect). She doesn't hear well and she was afraid it was too loud.  We told her that we could never hear it but in fact, there are many days when you can hear her TV going.  Not a big deal.

Back to today.  So, I chalked the alarm sound up to her TV. I went upstairs to lay down. Just as I drifted off to sleep I heard the wail of the Fire Engine. My eyes popped open and all I could think was that I just let my neighbor die without even checking on her. Seriously. I am a jerk.

I ran outside to find emergency responders trying to decide whether or not to break down the door. My neighbors from the other side had also rushed over. Apparently Ruth's life alert button had been pressed and had prompted EMS to show.

After several minutes of looking through windows and literally seconds before they were getting ready to break down the door (yes, think BIG axe), her sister arrived to tell us that Ruth was at the beauty shop and her button must have malfunctioned.  Wow.  Thank goodness she is okay.

So now I wonder, how well do I know my neighbors and will I react differently next time? We would all like to think that we'd be there to help but would we really? Now that I know she wears the life alert necklace then I think I will be more likely to handle things differently next time.  I also think that I will stop by later, offer cookies, and maybe ask for a key to her house.  She is old and she might need a little extra attention and why wouldn't we give that to her?  After all, she is my neighbor...

Tis the Season...part 2 :)

Things I learned today (in no particular order of importance):

1.  If you have a "guy" someplace (jewelry store, car dealership, mechanic, etc) then always stick to your guy.  If he isn't at work when you stop by then turn around and leave.  Don't try to let someone else help you.  It won't end well.

2.  Customer service isn't what it used to be or maybe my standards are too high.

3.  People don't have Christmas/holiday spirit because they've been out shopping.  Parking lots are overcrowded with people trying to park as close to the building as possible even if they have to drive around for half an hour to get that spot and once you get in the store, there aren't enough sales clerks to ring up customers.

4.  Shopping online is much more time efficient and less stressful.

5.  My kid is spoiled.  I came home with more new trains to complete the set.  I am not sure which set I just completed....

6.  I have to return a train to Toys R Us because it was grossly overpriced and I paid 60% less for the same train at Kohl's.

7.  I love my kid more than anything so I don't mind to spoil him and make another trip to Toys R Us to return above train. 

8.  People write bad checks on purpose and that just makes me mad.

9.  TRX is a great workout and was perfect for my day off from running.

10.  No matter what happened today, it was a good day.  I woke up.  I was able to be there when Jackson woke up.  I got to workout.  I got a lot of work done for KTC.  I donated clothes to charity.  And, I was blessed enough to afford gifts for my nieces and my son and Altman.

Tis the Season

Time flies.  As a teenager, we all complained of being bored or wishing for some date in the future to "get here" and our parents always said that time moves too quickly and we'd understand one day.  One day is here.  How is it 2011?  How is it possible that my child is 2 years and 5 months?  How is it possible that I brought my sweet Princess (yes, that is my dog's name) home 10 years ago?  How is it possible that in February 2012, Jason and I will have been together for 10 years?

Time moves along and if you aren't careful, you hardly notice.  Minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into years.  Now, years into decades.  What the heck????  This time of year, I really lose track of time because I spend the end of one year looking ahead to the next.  From September on, I spend a great deal of time scheduling and planning events for the following year.  I forget that we are still in 2011 and a number of times have written 2012 on a date line.

I am making a great effort to stop, take a look around, and have a good time.  Years ago, a friend got married and during the reception I found her sitting on a chair all by herself.  I sat down and we talked about something meaningless.  Weeks later, she told me that just sitting there, talking about nothing, made her take in the whole scene and by just slowing down for a minute, she remembered to enjoy the day.  I took those words and did the same thing at my wedding.  At some point, I sat down and just looked around.  Just one moment reminded me to take in the scene and enjoy myself because the whole day would go too quickly.  It did go too quickly and now it is a blur of fun memories.

Each day, my goal is to sit down and look around, take in the scene, and enjoy myself.  We only get to do this once.  It should be enjoyable.  Nope...I'm not living in a bubble where there are no bad days.  That is ridiculous.  Actually, there aren't bad days...there are days that can be very, very challenging and many that leave my head spinning.  Everyday is a good day because I woke up and I am surrounded by people I love.  If you make it from start to finish then it is a good day no matter what happens....

The point of all of this is that during this holiday season, we should all remember to slow down, look around, take in the scene, and remember to have fun.  The holiday season should be about being with friends and family and giving back to our community and having fun.

My perspective on Altman's race...

I know the risks of running.  As someone that is ultimately responsible for the safety of several thousand runners each year, I know and understand the manuals and guidelines.  I proof waivers and apply them on race entry forms.  As a runner, I have read the waivers and signed them.  I know that by putting on my shoes and attaching the bib, I am taking my life into my own hands and that anything that happens is ultimately my responsibility.

When I met Altman, my world changed.  I became a different person and from then on, life became about us and not me.  My life became about him.  We had a child and now, my life is about them.  

Saturday was supposed to be awesome.  Altman overcame injury this year to train for the Chickamauga Battlefield Marathon.  He won it last year.  He wanted to head down and have a repeat win and hopefully a PR. This was meant to be his last marathon for awhile.  We hope to have another Little Altman in the next year or so.  He was going to win and we were going to celebrate and he would be able to say that he won the same race two years in a row.

We had a rough start to the weekend and things weren't really going our way.  That was okay.  We had some timing issues on Saturday morning and I sent him on to the race with our friend Jennifer.  He had plenty of time to warm-up and get ready.  The weather was perfect.  A little cool for the start and no clouds in the sky. 

Jason looked great before the race.  As usual, I got emotional as they played the anthem and my stomach churned with excitement and nervousness.  I wasn't running the race but had decided to still run down to mile 8 to try to see Altman and some of our other friends.  He looked great.  I ran back up to mile 14 and saw him again.  He looked awesome.  Relaxed (as relaxed as you can be running a 6 min mile)  Pace was good.  Posture was great.  He had a pretty large lead and I thought, "hold on to it baby and you are gonna win this thing!"

My sister met me at the finish line with Jackson.  We saw Jennifer finish and then I went on to change clothes and wait.  We found the same spot from last year and settled in to wait for him.  That would be good luck, right?  At 2:33 on the clock, I started to really get excited and nervous.  I could imagine Altman rounding that turn and coming into view.  I would grab Jackson and we would wait for him.  Then, there were the bikes.  We were all pumped...until we realized that the shorts weren't compression shorts and that this dude wasn't wearing an RM singlet.  Ouch.  Total and utter deflation.  My heart sank and I could only think about how he would be disappointed and mad about not winning and no PR.  No celebration.

We reminded ourselves that everyone has a bad day now and then.  We got excited again.  Then we saw the singlet at the top of the hill.  Immediately, we let out a collective gasp.  Altman did not look good.  He was hunched over and almost limping.  As he continued toward the last turn, he looked worse and worse.  About the time my sister said to go get him, he rounded the turn and it was like his knees were giving way.  I thought he was going to collapse right there in front of us.

I took off in a dead sprint with Jennifer and my sister behind me.  I got to him and he had no color and was hardly moving.  The finish line was right there but it seemed so far away.  I asked Brooke to take Jackson and get lost.  Jennifer and I walked alongside him for several steps.  He wasn't really making sense so I asked Jennifer to run ahead and get the medical folks ready.  I stayed with him as he jogged to the finish line.  He was 2nd overall and still had a time of 2:45:59.  That really didn't matter to me.  Who cared at that point.

We got him to the tent where the medical folks started pumping him full of water and Gatorade.  Slowly, his color started to return.  Friends came by to check on him and asked if they could help.  We are so appreciative of the support we received from everyone.  I knew he would be okay but that didn't stop me from getting emotional when he wasn't looking.  It was so comforting to be able to cry on a few shoulders.  I couldn't let him know that he had scared the life out of me.  For a moment on Saturday, my world had stopped.

He is fine.  He was dehydrated and deducted that although he had been taking water at the water stops, he hadn't had enough.  The hamstring injury that had bothered him flared up and stopped him in his tracks.  Literally.  It was a bad day.  A bad run.  That is the curse of the marathon.  Some days are great and fall into place like 2010 and some days just suck.  Saturday was a day that sucked.

I am truly blessed.  In 2002, I found my soul mate.  I found the person that absolutely completes me.  No doubt.  Never any doubt actually.   We have a beautiful child and hope to have more.  I love him with everything that I have.

He knows my side of this story.  We have talked about it a lot since yesterday.  We laughed when he said that he was never running another marathon (yes, he said it while in the medical tent) and I told him he was lying.  I did add that he wouldn't be running another one soon.  I need time to recover from this one.  I also added that from now on, when he runs a marathon, I am going to do it too.  That way, he can be waiting for me at the finish line.

Loving something so much it hurts. Literally.

2011 has been a trying year in running for me. It started well but took a nosedive pretty quickly.  I don't need to tell the story.  You know it already.

After months of PT and rehab, September came and it all starting coming together again.  My pace picked up again and the runs were great.  October was awesome.  I jumped in an 8K and not only had a PR but WON it as Overall Female.  Superb.  I was back!

Then, on Tuesday of last week, finishing up my 3rd 800 repeat of 5, I felt it.  Small, slight twinge.  The 4th 800 was no better and by the 5th the feeling of dread had overwhelmed me.  Once I finished cooling down, I stood on my treadmill in my garage and cried.  A lot.  Where did it come from?  Did I misstep to pull the hip and glute again?  How did it happen?

I learned from early 2011.  I took it easy the rest of the week.  We loaded up the car on Friday and headed to Chattanooga for the Chickamauga races.  Jackson didn't sleep well and I stayed up with him.  At 2:30 am in the morning when I couldn't sleep, I asked for a sign.  I literally asked God for sign and said to him, "Maybe an obvious sign like my sister being late."  My sister is NEVER late.  Tell her 6:15 am and she arrives at 5:45 am.  Tell her 10:30 am and she arrives at 10 am.

At 6 am on Saturday morning when she was supposed to be there, I texted her.  She overslept.  There was my sign.  Don't ask if you don't want an answer.  I got to the race 15 minutes before the start.  Still considering running very easy, I did a warm-up mile.  There it was - that pull down the hip and into the glute.  No race for me on Saturday.  I ran 7 or 8 easy miles to see friends and today, I am paying for those miles.

Don't feel sorry for me.  Don't pity my misfortune.  Don't snicker at me and think that you are invincible and that this can't happen to you.  It can.  And probably will sometime.  I have been fortunate that since I started running in 2004 that this is my first time dealing with an injury like this.  Learn from me.  Listen to your body.  Remind yourself every time you lace up that there is more than just running.  Do you stretch?  Do you strength train?  Do you work on your core?  Do you do yoga?  No?  You should.  I have been lazy and have been skipping those things in favor of a longer run or work or folding laundry.

There will be more races.  Starting this week, I will put more effort into cross training and I will put more effort into strengthening my core and hips.  I never really had injuries when I was teaching group ex regularly.  In fact, I was able to go more miles when I was teaching 5 or 6 yoga classes a week.  There is just no time for me to teach these days but I can't deny that the cross training is good for me.

For this minute, I am going to enjoy another cup of coffee and catch up on junk TV.  A new era begins tomorrow!

Trick or Treat

I haven't really liked Halloween in my adult life.  I LOVE Thanksgiving.  I LOVE Christmas.  I love holidays where you cook and families come together and you give thanks.  I don't like dressing up. And, I will eat whatever candy is in the house so there is no reason to have it here and Halloween brings lots of candy.

I haven't been a fan of Halloween since I was a child and I am not even sure that I liked it then.  When Jackson was born, I think everyone expected us to put him in a costume for whatever reason and take him someplace or at least take his picture. He was 3 months old for his first Halloween.  We didn't dress him up.  We just didn't feel that it was necessary and where would we have gone with him?

Last year, he was 15 months old.  Nope.  We still didn't dress him up.  He wasn't allowed any candy at that time and again, we didn't see any reason to dress him up and parade him around.

This year was a little different.  I had a change of heart.  I researched costumes and the least intrusive outfit that I could find was a Thomas the Train outfit.  Basically, a shirt and a cute hat.  He wore the hat for 45 seconds.  Total.  He actually wore the shirt for our entire trip to the Zoo and for the first part of our train ride last weekend.  I am pretty sure he didn't wear it at all for school trick or treating.

Now, we have a ridiculous amount of candy in our house and I have a toddler who has taken to swinging his pumpkin around while yelling "TRICK OR TREAT!"  He now asks for candy every hour.  Awesome.

Jackson's allergy to peanuts makes the whole trick or treating thing a little more complicated for us.  We have to read every single label and we must remove any item stating that it was made with peanuts, may contain peanuts, processed in a plant with peanuts, generally around peanuts, or if the people making the product have ever seen peanuts.  You get the idea.  The allergy rules out about 80% of the candy he has picked up.

Now, Jason and I have ample candy supply.  And, we have had fun seeing what kind of candy Jackson likes. He doesn't really like anything chewy.  He isn't a big fan of taffy or candy that is similar.  Of course, Hershey's chocolate bars and M&M's don't have a warnings on the labels and he really, really likes those.  He likes suckers.  He ate two candy corns yesterday.

I had fun this year.  Halloween wasn't bad at all.  I will admit that Boo at the Zoo was fun.  Really fun.  The Eerie Express was a great time.  Jackson had fun and Jason and I had fun with him.  So, Halloween can be about togetherness.  It can be about a family going out together for Trick or Treating and sharing memories.  Just one question, can we please just give out apples or fruit next year?

Unsolicited Stranger Advice

It was bound to happen.  I have a child so at some point, some stranger was going to tell me how to raise my kid.  After 2 years and 3 months, this past Saturday was that point in time.

Back story starts with waking Jackson up at 6:45 am.  That is at least an hour before he gets up normally.  We went to Pigeon Forge so I could run a race.  While I raced, he and Jason raced through the halls of the high school, across the parking lot, down the road, and back countless times.

If he wasn't overstimulated enough, we took him to the kiddie ride place where he rode the train, the swings, and Thomas.  He was now past his nap time but he was also hungry and so were we.  We asked him what he wanted to eat and as usual, he replied, "Mac and Cheese."

We stopped at the Cracker Barrel.  The food is fast and there is a lot that will keep a toddler occupied.  We were called to be seated almost immediately.  Jackson was not pumped to sit in the high chair.  He started crying and kicking and was not at all happy.  Wouldn't you be mad?  Think about being tired and hungry with someone trying to strap you into a chair?  At least he doesn't know any foul words yet....

At this point, everyone in the Cracker Barrel had turned their heads to take a look.

To soothe him, I asked Jason to give him the paci.  For everyone that just gasped, yes, he still uses his pacifier for sleeping only.  Judge if you want but if this is the worst thing we do as parents then I will take it!  The only reason it was with us was because we intended for him to sleep in the car on the way home.  Each morning, he immediately puts the paci in the play kitchen (his place to hold it this week) and he gets it back only when it is time to sleep.  He does the same thing for nap time at home and the same rules apply at pre-school.  As soon as he wakes up, the paci goes into the back pack.

Back to the story...he immediately calmed down.  He started coloring and playing and everyone in the restaurant could eat in peace.

Seconds later, a lady diagonal from me motioned for me to come over.  Of course I looked around and she she shook her head yes indicating that she wanted to talk to me.  She promptly told me that her daughter had used the "Binky Fairy" and that she had great success weaning her granddaughter from the paci using the ol' Binky Fairy.  She said that we should maybe consider trying the same thing since he seemed so attached to the binky.

For those of you who know me, you know that I am hardly ever at a loss for words.  Ever.  In those 15 seconds before I spoke, I wasn't really sure how to proceed.  Dump her tea on her?  Probably not appropriate.  Talk to her like I used to talk to line cooks in my restaurant days?  Again, probably not appropriate. I thanked her for her advice and told her that he was tired and that we gave him the paci so that everyone else in the restaurant could enjoy their food.  I smiled and walked back to the table.  I tried not to make disgusting faces at her while telling Jason what had just happened.

Seriously?  It was bound to happen at some point and now, it has happened.  Ironically, all of the people who have heard the story have had their own advice on how to handle someone like this!

If you ever get the urge to tell a stranger how to raise their child, just don't do it.  They are not going to thank you and mean it.  My kid is not your grand kid.  My kid isn't your kid.  If I am lucky enough to have another kid someday, that kid isn't going to be Jackson.  Very simple.

Did she mean well?  Probably.  But, If I want your advice strange lady, I will ask you for it.

Today's lesson:  Watch out for strangers who want to talk to you...........which makes me turn that around and into the old saying, "Never talk to strangers."   Hmmm.

Why are you in such a hurry?

Why are you in such a hurry?  Why didn't you leave your house 10 minutes earlier?  Are you really that much more important than every other human out this morning/afternoon/evening?  Do you not have any respect for those around you?  You realize that the vehicle you are driving is a big piece of machinery that could very well kill you and everyone else around you?

These are things that I ask myself daily in the car.  I read somewhere a few weeks ago that Knoxville is ranked high for safe driving and if I had been taking a sip of anything to drink then I would have spit it across the room.  Drivers here are terrible.  Nope, we aren't Atlanta but we do have some pretty hostile drivers that always seem to be running late and in a hurry to get where they are going.

I found out two days last week that I should not drive during morning rush hour.  Ever.  Trying to merge onto I-640 from Western Avenue is apparently the most insulting thing a person could do to all of those other people already on I-640.  And, once you actually merge onto I-640, getting into the far left lane to go downtown is a nightmare.  People hate you for that.  I don't understand.  If you are in the middle lane then what is so wrong with letting someone pass in front of you to make their way to the left lane?  Obviously no one works in downtown Knoxville anymore and they are all heading to West Knoxville.  Who knew?

I work from home so I am fortunate enough not to have to fight the rush hour traffic with everyone else every day.  If I did, then I would probably have really high blood pressure and would be close to stroke or heart attack even though I am a really healthy person.

Today is Sunday, after a fun afternoon at Mead's Quarry walking the choo choo tracks and throwing rocks into the water, we headed home to make dinner.  At 6 pm, we had a guy almost hit us from behind so that he could get in the left turn lane where the light was red and he wasn't going anywhere fast.  Then, there was a dude in such a hurry that he was weaving in and out of traffic on a four lane road and proceeded to cut off two cars only to find himself having to let a motorcyle in front of him when the lanes merged from four to two.  Then, he proceeds to tailgate the guy on the motorcyle.  So, I had to ask out loud, "where the heck is this guy going in such a hurry on a Sunday at 6 pm?"  Really?  Where was he going?

Why is everyone in such a hurry?  Can't you leave 10 minutes prior to whatever time you left?  Did I miss the part where every road in Knoxville is actually the Indy 500 track and we should all drive like a bunch of maniacs?

I certainly am not the best driver in the world but if I see you coming and you are weaving in and out of traffic then I am going to let you roll on because I am not that important and whoever I am meeting will understand if I am 5 minutes late.  I was taught that early is on time.  Simple.  I always leave early and 90+ percent of the time, I am going to be early or right on time to appointments, meetings, etc.  If I am late, it is because of something that I could not control but I don't stress and drive like a crazy person.  I apologize for being late and move right along with the task at hand. 

Maybe everyone could just take a deep breath and try to be gracious to one another on the roads.  It may not save the worlds problems but heck it may save some lives and definitely save some folks from blood pressure medicine/

Be careful what you wish for....

Every parent has said it.  "Just 5 minutes of quiet."  If you haven't said it then I might not call you a liar but I might make a funny face and disbelief might have a lot to do with that funny face.

It is okay to say it.  Some days, you just want 5 minutes of quiet.

The last several weeks have just been a snowball of stuff.  Some good and some challenging.  Some presenting great opportunity while some days, I feel like I am being beaten repeatedly with a 2x4.

At 2 years old, my kid learns something new every minute.  Wait, make that every second. In the time I can write this blog, he probably just learned 20 more words.  When the 2 year old finds that his something new is fun and makes other laugh then he beats it like a dead horse.

For instance, he likes to "crash out" everything.  That is his phrase.  He likes to take the trains on the train table and crash them into each other, the tracks, other toys, etc.  You get the picture.  And, he wants us to watch it EVERY SINGLE TIME.  No matter how many times we watch something crash out, he wants us to watch the next time.  And, he waits for the reaction.  Every time.  So, over and over again, I put my hands over my eyes and yell OH NO whenever something crashes out.

Don't get me wrong.  The crash out phrase is freaking hilarious.  Every single time.  I say, "Jackson, what happened to _______ (fill in the blank)?"  And he says, "Crashed out."  It makes me laugh.  I am smiling now just thinking about it.

Back to the point.  We've all asked for 5 minutes.

I am currently getting more than 5 minutes and I have mixed emotions it..  Jackson is in great hands with my parents (thanks mom and dad!) this weekend so that Jason and I can work all day at events tomorrow and go to two separate parties on Sunday.  It is a tremendous help.  It saves us from paying a babysitter for many, many hours and gives him a chance to hang with his grandparents.  Great for everyone.

The problem?  I miss him so much.  I am pretty sure that I hate quiet.  He is having so much fun but I am missing a piece of myself with him gone.  For those of you without kids, go ahead and make fun, shake your head, and make a snide comment.  I was you at one time.

I miss him.  Our home isn't the same without him.  He'll be home soon and I am sure that within 24 hours, I will be asking for 5 minutes of quiet.  It is a life cycle that will continue over and over but one that happens naturally and makes life so much fun.

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!

The roller coaster continues...

We've had one heck of a week.  This past week was gonna be the week to get back on track.  Jackson was going back to pre-school after being out for over a week, Jason was home, the Labor Day Race was over and we were gonna get on a routine and get things done.  Whatever those things might have been (who knows!).

Last Saturday night, Jason and I had a long talk about our housing situation. If you don't know, we have been trying to sell this place since I got pregnant in 2008.  We put it on the market, offer comes through, everything falls through one week before closing.  Devastated, we pulled it from the market.

A few months later, I decided it was time to try again.  After 4 months and not a single viewing, we asked to be let out of our contract and pulled it from the market.

Early this year, we decided to go for it again.  Third time is a charm, right?

We hired a new agent and followed the directions of their "staging expert."  We thought that this was gonna be the time it sold....

Back to last Saturday...we decided that since there hadn't been a single showing this time around (nope, not one) that we should we should stay here for another 2 or 3 years.  By then, we will hopefully have another kid and we'll know what our housing needs will be long term.  We are comfortable here and there is NO yard work!  We do have plenty of space so it sounded like a great plan.

On Sunday, we got a call at 1:30 pm from the agency wanting to show our place at 2:30 pm.  We said okay and laughed that this would be the time.  On Tuesday morning, we got an offer.  Seriously.

After countering twice, on Friday, the whole deal fell through.  Not so devastated this time but just mad that we spent so much emotional, mental, and physical time on this during our week for a result that wasn't what we wanted.

So, we are back to Saturday and we plan to pull the condo from the market on Monday.  Hopefully this roller coaster will coast on even ground for at least a week before we start another series of ups and downs. :)

Life is a roller coaster!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks.  Up and down and up and down. Unfortunately, I am  not a big fan of roller coasters and I don't go to amusement parks so weeks like these are a bit unsettling for me.  And, I ran out of the samples of the awesome medicine that the doctor gave me for my stomach.  And, said medicine is very, very expensive so hopefully what they called in today to the pharmacy will work just as well.

If anyone doesn't know, Altman was gone for a few days to run the Hood to Coast Relay.  Yes, the KTC H2C team won.  That is a whole story in itself for another time.  When he is gone, so is a piece of me.  Cheesy?  Say whatever you want.  That is how I feel and I know that Jackson can sense my anxiety which makes the roller coaster go higher and lower at each turn.

I have spent a lot of time with my child during the last week.  I love him.  I would die for him.  Let's get that out there first.  Wouldn't think twice about it....my child living and me dying...Would do it without giving it a thought.

However, as much as I love my child, I have discovered that I am not meant to be a stay at home mommy.  If you stay home with your child, please don't be offended.  I think you are amazing.  Simply amazing.  I personally just think that my relationship with Jackson is much better when we spend at least 5 hours separated each day.

He is a lot like me.  He is stubborn and very impatient.  I am sure my mom is laughing right now because isn't that how the saying goes, that your child will be just like you?  If you know me, I am pretty stubborn and can be really impatient.  I am working hard on both but we've all got challenges.  Hopefully he is picking up some positive characteristics from me too.  I hope that his stubbornness leads to good grades in school and excelling in sports (or sweater knitting) and I hope that he has my desire to help others.

Also, Jackson expects everything to go right on the first try.  Can't imagine where he gets that...

I've never known anything that can make me so furious and so irritable and then turn around and make me cry with laughter and love within the same situation.

He is two so I imagine that we'll have several days like we had today in our future.  I cannot tell you how many times I said, "No.  Stop.  Stop it now.  Don't touch that.  Don't climb on that.  What is wrong with you."  Several times today, he blatantly did exactly what I was telling him not to do.  I knew that these days were coming but I didn't know how hard it would be to not laugh at him and how hard it would be to try to redirect him to something else.

Everyday is a roller coaster.  In the midst of all the chaos, I had an epic work day yesterday.  One thing, I can't tell you yet but it is very good.  The other is that Knoxville is now an Official Runner Friendly Community.  At the peak of that high, I found out that a dear volunteer for KTC and incredible woman died yesterday morning.  I just saw her on Sunday.  She and Jackson shook hands and then she remarked that the "tadpole" was so handsome and growing up so fast.  Then, she was gone.  Just like that.

Today was a roller coaster.  I am hoping tomorrow is more of a float in the lazy river kind of day.  We'll see.  Whatever happens, I will remind myself that I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and that yes, my child is probably the most handsome kid ever and even at two he is pretty smart and pretty well-mannered.  Seriously, through the good and the bad and the ups and the downs, I want to remind myself that I am very, very lucky and that things can change in a minute.  I just hope the roller coaster doesn't stop at the top of an incline.....

Finally on the road to recovery?

Last night, Facebook told Jason (yes, a note popped up to tell him) that one year ago yesterday, I posted that I had done my first workout in ages and felt great.  That is super weird because yesterday, I posted that I had done my first workout in ages and that I was cautiously optimistic.

Last summer, while on the roads to my first post baby marathon, I began feeling so, so tired.  I thought it was increased mileage and I kept pushing the limits.  Turns out that I had mono.  So, marathon hopes down the drain and I set my sights on the Bourbon Chase and a half marathon.  My new goals worked out well.  I did so much better than I expected at Bourbon Chase and had a huge half marathon PR in Charlotte.

One cold night last December, I signed up for the Cleveland Marathon in May.  I didn't tell a soul for several weeks.  I played off the high mileage easily because I was running a half in Chattanooga at the end of February followed by leg 3 at Whitestone 30K and Relay the following day.

Things were going well.  The half went well considering I had done no speed work and I ran a great race at the Whitestone Relay with our women's team coming in first (of course the two speedier ladies ahead of me really set us up for the win!).

The following week, I did my first 20 miler in over 3 years.  I had something like a 30 minute PR for that mileage.  I was super pumped about my May marathon and knew I would have a PR.  Then came the pain about two weeks later and I ignored it.  I got out the foam roller and figured that I was just sore and that the increased mileage was taking a toll.  No big deal.

I did another 20 miler and it also went really well.  What could go wrong?  I had been doing strength workouts and was getting ready to hit the track and work on speed.  And I did.  Once.  A friend calls the Ye Ol' Workouts the Widowmaker workout.  I don't disagree.

After doing Ye Ol' 8K on the track, I limped a bit to the car.  I figured teaching yoga the day before plus the workout was just too much.  Keep in mind that all of my pains were easily explained and there was good reason every day for why I was hurting.  The pain was in my low back, glute, and hip and it got worse.  So much worse.

By the time I saw the physical therapist, all the muscles in my hip and glutes on the left side were firing non-stop in a constant spasm.  Krusenklaus said no speed work but that he could get me ready for the marathon.  Instead of taking a day or two off, I kept pushing.  I hit the Alter-G treadmill and the soft surface at Cherokee Boulevard.  Instead of 15 miles on Saturday, I ran 7 and then I ran 7 again the next day.

I didn't stop training but I did forgo any speed work and really just wanted to finish the race.  I didn't finish the marathon.  By mile 9, the pain was radiating through my hip, glute, and hamstring.  By mile 11, it had moved to my calf and achilles.  At 12.5 when I made it to Altman, I cried on the corner just two blocks from our hotel.  Heartbroken and hurting.

I have been on the mend since then.  I have gone to therapy and stretched and strengthened.  Today, I ran 7 miles.  I had a good workout yesterday and followed it up with a slow, easy 7 miler this morning.  And, no pain.  Am I finally on the road to recovery?  I sure hope so and if not, this time I will know to stop instead of trying to push through the pain.....

Observations and questions from a day on the run...

I spent a lot of time driving today.  I had business meetings in Pigeon Forge and Townsend and scheduled them specifically on the same day so I could just get through them all at once.  So, I spent a lot of time in the car...
I discovered that the Knife Museum in Sevierville is really, really busy.  I have no idea why.  What is the importance and significance of a Knife Museum.  Are knives really that popular???
Traffic going to Pigeon Forge is crazy.  Just crazy.  If you plan to visit, plan some extra time for traffic.  Does anyone work?  Are all of those folks on vacation?
I couldn't find a drive through Starbucks in Pigeon Forge.  There could have been one but I could not find it.  In a touristy place like PF, there should be 2 or 3 drive through Starbucks.  Luckily, I found a fabulous little coffee shop in Townsend at Trillium Cove to serve up a Latte with sugar free Vanilla Syrup (don't make fun...I hate coffee and this is the only way I can drink it).
I took Wears Valley Road from PF to Townsend.  Why is it that a guy passed me on a double yellow line when I was driving 45 (the speed limit) only to get behind the other 5 cars in front of us?  He didn't pass anyone else.  I wonder if my running sticker was offensive?   And, why did the guy in the SUV in front of me feel the need to pass a car in a blind curve only to get behind 3 other cars?  Why would someone do that?  Where did they think they were going?  Just wondering.
There are a LOT of motorcycles heading to and from the mountains.  I hope they are all careful on The Dragon.
There were a LOT of Mazda Miata's (spelling?) heading to and from the mountains.  A lot.  Really.
Alcoa Highway heading back to K-town was soooo busy.  Where is everyone going?
The meetings were fantastic and I got a lot accomplished today.  Now, on to the next event tonight.  Maybe I will see some fun things there. :)

Battling the Heat - who is winning?

As most all of my friends and family know, I have been battling issues with my hip and glutes since April.  This week, I felt like I turned a corner and have had great turns.  I started wearing my power steps again which seemingly were making all the difference in the world.  That is why I didn't think an 8 mile run was out of reach.
Alas, I forgot about the heat and humidity.  Although I drank a ton of water and sports drink yesterday, it wasn't enough.  Silly summer.
Our run started at 7 am and the temperature reading from the car was 76 degrees.  There was fog and no sun.  Perfect.
Early into the run, I was out of breath and struggling a bit.  By 3.75, my hip was sore so we stopped so I could stretch.  Every run this week had been good so what was up this morning?  We stopped for water around 4 to 4.5 miles and went on.  By the 6th mile, I realized my problem.  I was super dehydrated.  My head hurt, I didn't have a lot of saliva (admittedly, I am a spitter when I run so no saliva is rare), and my hip was still sore.  We decided to make the run only 7 miles.
Whew.  7.1 miles officially on the books.  In late March, I was running 20 miles with no problems and having the best time ever.  Now, I am super pumped about my 7.1 miles.
Today's lesson?  No one is immune to the heat.  I make a conscience effort to stay well hydrated, eat right, avoid the heat and humidity, and all the things that go into having good runs.  But today I battled the heat and I think we tied.  I didn't go as far as I wanted but I probably should have set my route so that I could have stopped sooner if need be.  We'll see what happens tomorrow in this war with the heat.
Be careful out there.  No one is immune to the heat and humidity.  Listen to your body and slow the pace or shorten the workout.  I speak from experience about listening to my body and the consequences when you don't which is a whole other post for a later time...
See you on the roads.

Another day in the life!

I have no idea if anyone will ever read this or care but here we go.  I am a wife to an awesome husband, a mother to a beautiful son, a runner, and the Managing Director for the Knoxville Track Club.  I am a certified group exercise instructor and have taught at local gyms since 2002.  I am incredibly lucky.  I've recently come back from vacation where I had a great opportunity to spend time with my husband and my son without the interruptions of daily life.  I have decided to spend less time multi-tasking and working on one thing at a time.  We'll see how that goes for me.  

My job is very challenging but also very satisfying.  I work in an industry in which I can watch people achieve their goals or fall a bit short and then try again.  I meet people everyday who have great stories about running or walking and why they do what they do.  It is awesome.  I am also ultimately responsible for the planning and execution of events and the safety and satisfaction of 1000s each year (close to 7500 last year just counting road races).  Everyone isn't always happy and folks can have a lot to say about the color of shirt or what they ate post race.  I take every comment and suggestion into consideration and I work with great volunteers on the board and committees to make each race better.

That is a little background.  Now, if you have a weak stomach, stop reading and call it a day.

Most everyone knows that I have been having hip and glute problems for the last few months.  I have decided to get serious about rehab and strengthening those muscles so that my running begins improving again.

My plan on Monday was to run in the morning and then go to the gym in the  afternoon with Jackson. I ate a sensible, light lunch and held off on that extra cup of coffee so I would be ready for my afternoon workout.  I picked up Jackson and we ran a couple of errands.  We were done way quicker than expected so I headed home. 

Feeling a little defeated and frustrated that my afternoon workout wasn't going to happen as planned, I started emptying the dishwasher.  Jackson was pushing the racks in and out and I kept asking him to stop it.  After several times of smiling at me and blatantly ignoring my request, I moved to take his hand and get him away from the dishwasher.  When I got his hand, I could smell it.  And then, I could see it....all down his leg...

I grabbed a diaper and wipes and towel and went to the family room to change him when I could see more of it...all over the hardwood floor.  I realized pretty quickly that there was no way to get this diaper off without a volcano of an explosion so we took it to the bathtub.  Gross.  Just gross.  There are no words.  I call it poopapocolypse (say that three times fast!) and this was the worst - ever.

When Jackson was 6 weeks old, we had this type of explosion with our friend Cindi at McMillan's.  The gracious employee at the store allowed us to use an entire roll of paper towels to clean the baby, car seat, and Cindi.  Today was way worse.

The lesson for Monday?  There was obviously a reason why I didn't make it to the gym that afternoon.  I can only imagine how traumatic that would have been for everyone if we had been there.  We would have been totally unprepared.

He had another incident in the bath that night.  Not as bad but needless to say that the tub needed a clorox scrubbing before we could let Jackson in there again.  

Life is funny.  You get curveballs all the time and you wonder why things can't just work out like you wanted them to...I think they work out exactly as planned.  We don't always see the lesson in the moments and sometimes it takes only a few hours to figure them out and sometimes days, months, or even years.  There is always a lesson and I hope I have the patience and wisdom to see them and then pass them on to Jackson.