Melting Down

It may be the heat. It may be that I bought a house and sold the condo while on vacation. It may be that we had roughly 21 days to pack up 10 years of belongings while caring for 2 kids. It may be that we did a double close and moved all in one day. It may be that we almost doubled the size of our home and now we have to take care of all this space....

It may be that I strained my gluteus medius in June and that my hip problems were already flaring up prior to the sprain meaning that I haven't run consistently since mid-May....

It may be that my baby, my sweet Jackson is now 6 and going to kindergarten in a few weeks...

My guess is that when you take all of the above, it was only a matter of time until I had a meltdown.

It happened yesterday. I knew it was there when I woke up and it continued all day long.

Karson has a double ear infection. He had been sleeping so well but hasn't slept well in days. He's been grumpy and for good reason. I took him to the doctor and that was miserable. We waited 25 minutes for a nurse. Then we waited another 20 or so for a doctor. Toddlers don't like to be confined to small spaces for 45 minutes. And, they definitely don't like someone probing their ears when they have an ear infection.

Not only is Jackson adjusting to a new, bigger home but he is also getting ready to take the leap into kindergarten. He hasn't come out and said it but I am believe his anxiety levels are through the roof. His actions and behavior tell me that something is up and I hope it all settles for him soon.

We are edgy. I am down a staff person and there is no end to the to-do list. No end. Every time I mark something off the list, I add 5 more items.

At 38, I know how to take care of myself. But, I am human and forget.

I eat badly. I sleep little. When I do sleep, it isn't restful. With the injuries, I am not getting that good "clear your head" kind of exercise. There is laundry to be done and dinner to be cooked (and groceries to be bought for that dinner). I allow my anxiety levels to get out of my control.

This is all a great recipe for a meltdown.

I hate them. Having them makes me so mad at myself. No one wants to talk about them but I can't imagine I am the only one that has them.

I am forever thankful to Jason for not running away because he has to live with me when they happen. He is always so calm. That's why we have such a great relationship. He is a great balance for my personality.

Today, I feel somewhat better. I had physical therapy this morning, tossed out some wild ideas, made headway on said to-do list, and am excited to see kids out and running tomorrow morning. I am excited to spend the weekend with all of my boys.

Tomorrow will be even better.

From here, I regroup.

I will look at the schedule and purposely schedule more "admin" days. I will make one dish that will last for days. Maybe I will teach Jackson to do laundry. At least kid laundry.

I am blessed beyond imagination. I have an amazing husband. I have two beautiful children. I have plenty of work. I have a beautiful home and in a wonderful development. I have been given the opportunity to serve some of the areas' greatest organizations. I have great PT help and am on the road to running regularly again.

Time to learn my lesson from ignoring myself and time to put myself on top of the to-do list. Otherwise, I am hindering and not helping and if you know me, you know how I feel about that.

For now, I have some things to wrap up before the boys get home.

See ya on the roads! :)