A Weight Lifted

I started this blog when Jackson was a baby with the intent to write about everyday life with kiddos. There are tons of books out there on raising children, but I wanted to go the route of day-to-day life and all the things that go along with it - the good, the bad, the hilarious, and the gross. 

Admittedly, I have been slacking for the last few years. One would think I had more time during the pandemic, but instead of writing a blog, I wrote research papers to earn my master's degree. 

So, here we are. November 2022. 

Many of you saw weeks ago that we moved Jackson to a private school. That was not pre-planned and it was a move that is much out of character for us. We have been advocates for public education for as long as we have had children. That said, we chose our home based on elementary schools. We had several that we wanted the boys to attend and we bought a house in a location where we could make that happen. 

Our elementary school experience has been and is still amazing. I wouldn't change a minute of the last 8 years at Rocky Hill. 

Last year, we survived 6th grade. I say "we" because it was truly a group effort. Jackson didn't thrive, and as a family unit, we were just hanging on for the ride. Altman and I encouraged, supported, cheered, and loved him through a pretty unfun year. 

Jackson is not an extrovert. Jackson is not the kid who is going to walk up, shake your hand, and introduce himself if he doesn't already know you. 

Jackson is a nice kid. He follows rules and has the kindest heart of anyone I know. We knew middle school would be a learning experience and we knew that we'd have challenges. 

What the books didn't tell me was that my insides would feel ripped apart and that my anxiety (which is already way up there) would skyrocket when my sweet boy started calling me every day in tears. 

He stopped smiling and being so funny. We watched as he began to retreat in the first few weeks of this year. We all cried a lot and we had calls with school administrators and therapists and anyone that we could talk to about how to handle the year. 

I became a ball of stress and anxiety every weekday. My stomach would hurt when we separated in the morning, and I'd be sick all day until we were reunited. I'm not a helicopter mom, but knowing that he was likely having a crappy day made me physically ill. 

He didn't have any close friends this year in class. Issues from 6th grade came back and became issues in 7th grade. We were 7 weeks into this year when we hit our breaking point. 

Knowing Sacred Heart's excellent reputation, I reached out to friends who work there. They immediately checked on us and pointed us in the right direction. 

I started sobbing on the phone with the SHCS admissions director when she told me that their goal was to love, nurture, and support their students. I cried to a complete stranger. I can't remember a time in my life when I've been that vulnerable to a stranger. I usually reserve those breakdowns for only those closest to me. 

We visited and then Jackson shadowed. After shadowing he asked us when he could go back to SHCS and told us that he didn't want to go to public school anymore. That was important. We wanted him to be part of the decision and he was very clear. 

The switch from public to private was shockingly easy and quick. 

The change in Jackson was as shockingly easy and quick. 

He is happy. He is smiling. He is volunteering to try new things at Sacred Heart. We have been welcomed with open arms and we are heading in the right direction. 

Now that he's been there several weeks, it feels as though a weight has been lifted. It feels like we can all breathe again. 

There are always going to be hard times. If we are lucky, we'll have ample opportunity to learn lessons about life and conflict resolution, and perseverance. But, 13 is hard. Growing up is hard. Raising kids is hard. Altman and I made this decision based on Jackson's needs and our goal of nurturing him into being a good human as he grows up. 

At the end of the day, we all do the best we can. And my non-professional advice to parents is to do what your gut says. My gut said that we had to take action. Altman agreed. Jackson agreed. 

Now, we are looking forward to school days and activities and what this adventure will bring and that is the greatest feeling in the world. 

Hugs and love, K

Contemplating the Celebration of Loved Ones

It's no secret that the last several weeks have been one challenge after another for the Altman fam. Heck, we could even go back to last fall as a start date. 

That said, I think we've rolled with the punches using our best attitudes, our best efforts, and the mantra of "survive and advance" on repeat. 

And yet, I expect our little family to continue to encounter more challenges(sick kid today for example) as we all get older, but I also expect fun and good times too.

Jackson and Karson have just experienced their first family death and funeral. Karson is young and has responded as I expected. He's a little clingier than normal but otherwise has been very much himself. Jackson has had a harder time. He's on the verge of his teenage years, and things are already confusing and hard, and losing his Nana was a big hit. We've encouraged him to talk about her, and that it's okay to be sad and miss her. 

Anyone who has children older than ours will know that as they get older, the life situations and opportunities for growth, continue on. The first funeral is a thing. A real funeral service is a whole new experience for kids. Luckily, my kids have made it this far in life without losing anyone close to them. This weekend was their first service and provided a lot of opportunity for conversation for all of us. 

I was taught to always go to the receiving of friends and/or the funeral. If your friends lose someone, you make your best effort to go to visitation or the funeral. The pandemic changed that for so many people, and I have to wonder how funerals and their attendance will look in the future. 

Have we replaced our in-person interactions with the Facebook care button or a text with thoughts and prayers? 

Or, is it just situational and dependent on our relationship with the deceased and/or their family, and our own schedules?

The service for Judy was well-done. The Reverand did a great job, and both Jason and his sister were excellent speakers. I'm glad that the boys were able to have their first funeral be one that was uplifting and truly celebrated Jason's mom. 

Those that came on Saturday truly made our day, and are in our hearts and loved by the Altman fam forever. We know that a Saturday mid-day is hard (especially in the sleet, snow, and wind), but seeing familiar faces is so uplifting. 

We were watching Ozark Saturday night (yes, I am way behind) and one of the characters was saying that we should just be able to say "this sucks" when talking to those who lose someone. It's not that far off from the truth. It does suck. But, at the end of the day, we were able to celebrate Jason's mom and remember her for her love for everyone around her. That's something special. 

So, as you go into your week, remember to be kind to one another. Do something nice for someone this week. And if you are presented in the future with the opportunity to support someone during their time of loss, go support them. It may be uncomfortable for you, but I can guarantee that it will make their day brighter during a time that can be dark. 

Hugs and love, K

Over the last several months, I've started a number of blog posts and then saved as a draft and exited the site. It's not that I am at a loss for words, I just can't get them on paper how I want them.

I have pandemic burnout. Work never stopped or slowed down for me. In fact, it was busier from March through May than ever. It hasn't slowed down, but we're past the frantic pace and plugging away. Altman's work never stopped. In fact, it's been more stressful than ever trying to figure out how to engage runners virtually and then trying to figure out in-person versus virtual for the fall and now wondering what happens in the spring.

The children were out of school for a really long time. The usual indoor/entertainment places were closed for a really long time. We had outside fun, but we have fair skin and need a break from the Sun. 

Karson broke his wrist and then Jackson fractured his foot. Back to back. One was healed and then the other was broken. What the heck?

Jackson's fracture came at the very beginning of Cross Country season. That just sucked. He'd been training all summer for this fall season. Fifth grade is like senior year for elementary school. His heart was broken. And frankly, so were ours. 

If you've never experienced the angst of child who isn't able to meet his own expectations then you are a lucky parent. No amount of antecdotes and encouragement will work for my first-born. Once he makes up his mind on something, he isn't happy unless he meets Goal A. 

He's been having some aches and pains over the last two weeks. His first race back was amazing, but he was disappointed. He met his goal for race two. We have regions coming up on Saturday and truthfully, I am ready to be past it. There's a new ache or pain each day, and Altman and I are just worn down with worry about how things will go. 

I know, my worrying won't change a thing. But, I want my boy to feel good about his effort. When he is disappointed, my heart breaks. 

We are blessed. I understand this and I thank God every day for our blessings. But, a little break would be nice. A break from COVID-19 news, political news, broken bones, anxious kiddos, and the daily anxieties about work and life. 

I started this blog years ago to be honest and transparent about raising children. It started with a poopapocolypse like no other. 

It's time to get back to those roots. And hopefully, my words resonate with some of you and allow you to see that we all have things on our mind and that's okay. 

Every moment is a new opportunity (can't remember the author of that quote) and I am taking them one at a time and doing the best I can with them. 

See you on the roads!

Dearest Karson...

Dearest Karson,

It is 9 pm on the night before your actual birthday. You think today was your birthday because we celebrated with Italian Ice, playgrounds, playing at Krutch Park, presents, and cupcakes. Tomorrow is a busy day and we wanted you to feel special so today was the day.

You are asleep now (thank you!). Your dad and I are having an adult beverage on the sofa and trying to unwind before a very chaotic 8+ days.

Two years ago on this day and at this time, I was on the sofa timing contractions. I knew you were coming soon. I had known for days.

On June 20, 2013, we found out you were footling breech and you'd have to be delivered via C-Section. No choice. I cried to the doctor we saw in the office and she had my normal doc call me that afternoon. He said there was no other way. I was already in labor and too far in to safely turn you. Surgery it would be.

I was heartbroken. So many people judge on how you deliver your kid and I didn't want to be a bad mom because I couldn't deliver you the same way that Jackson was delivered (although that didn't go well either).

The next day (two years ago today), I was contracting from the time I woke. Truthfully, the doc onsite for the ultrasound the day before wanted me to deliver that day (June 20). She kept telling me to go home, get my bag, get Jackson settled with someone, and come back. We didn't do it. And the doctor on call that Friday wasn't one that I knew so you'd have to wait until the 22nd when my normal doctor was on call to be delivered. Thankfully you did. If my water had broken, we'd have been in a lot of trouble.

On June 22, 2013, you were born late afternoon during the most amazing delivery ever. We laughed and joked and talked through the whole thing. Your dad was there and I was able to kiss your face within seconds of your birth. You spent some time in the NICU. You had fluid on your lungs and they couldn't keep your body temp where it needed to be. But, you rallied quickly and we were able to come home just days after you were born.

You have taken us on a wild ride since. I have never had another human being take me from anger to smiles to frustration to pride at any given minute on any given day. It can be exhausting. Really exhausting.

You are stubborn. You are impatient. You want to do it your way. You don't want or need help.

I could play dumb and say that I have no idea where you get those traits but I know too well where they come from and what lies ahead of you.

Here's what I can tell you....

1. Stubbornness is good sometimes but in many situations, you need to be open to others. Just do it. You'll learn.
2. Patience is necessary. It sucks sometimes but totally necessary for being a good person. And for learning and growing. You can't be your best if you are impatient.
3. Keep doing things your way. I have found that it helps to solve problems. That doesn't mean that you can discount other ways and ignore suggestions from others but I have found that if I take all the information from all sources then I can usually figure out the answers. Just make sure you give credit to those who help you.
4. You do need help. I still struggle with this one. Your father made me see that two is better than one. But, I still struggle with asking for help. Don't. Ask for help when you need it. Ask for help when you don't need it. Engage other people in whatever you are doing. Seriously. It's the best way for everyone.

I love you itty-bitty. You are amazing. You have this flaming red hair and these blue eyes that can see right through a person. You are going to do big things. I know it in my heart.

Love you dude.

Mom

It's Not All Fun and Games

This week is hard. That is not a complaint but the truth. After several years of doing this, it never gets easier. Never. And, it isn't just hard for us. It is hard for the volunteers who put their blood, sweat, and tears into the CHKM.

Even though it is hard, what you'll see this weekend is that Jason and I will be running around and smiling and making an effort to talk to every person and catch up. This week is hard but the connections on Saturday and Sunday are priceless and amazing. But, the bottom line is that the week is hard.

This year seems harder than the previous years. The last year has been hard. We've had big life changes and made big life decisions. Whether they were good choices or not remains to be seen and only time will tell. At the end of the day, 2014 into 2015 and especially this week have been harder than every year before.

Maybe one reason is that we now have two mobile kids. Jackson seems much more aware of the situation this year. He seems to pick up on the stress, the anxiety, and the overall unavailability. Even when we we are all together, one of us is not really there. (By the way, putting that out there makes me want to vomit.) He asked me this week when things would be normal again. He asked me why we are gone so many nights. Each question is like a stab through the heart and each time, it brings me to tears. Only I don't cry in front of him. I bottle it up and wait. I won't cry in front of him because that would make him sad. He is a sweet and kind kid and I refuse to be the reason he is sad. But when he's gone and when I am alone, I cry. He'll probably have no long term memory of this race week but in the here and now, it makes my heart hurt.

What I hope he takes with him is that we help people. That is who I am. That is who we are as a couple and as individuals. Those Facebook tests tell me that I am a leader or that I have ambition...and I do. I want to lead people to a healthier lifestyle. I want to lead KTC to be the go-to expert in health and wellness and community service. I think that KTC offers our community great things but I believe, actually I know, that it can do more and be more.

This week is hard but the people make it priceless. The volunteers who show up every year remind me why we do this. The finishers who cross that line for the first time make me weepy with tears of joy. All of those stories and all of those journeys make the long days, sleepless nights, and all of the hard times absolutely priceless.

This week is hard and it is far from over. There will be highs and lows. There will be the unexpected bumps in the road but generally after one of those bumps, there is someone there with a story and a hug and I remember why we do this.

So, with that said, I will see you at the fifty!

Time to Catch Up

Hello there. It has been some time since I have actually published a blog post. I've started several but never finished them. I won't say I have been busy because I am moving away from that word. I will say that I am blessed with a beautiful family and some wonderful opportunities.

I am in between meetings with not enough time to start a new task and too much time to go ahead and head over the next venue so I thought I would do a quick blog to catch up with you.

After serving as interim Executive Director for Knoxville Track Club starting in November, I was hired back permanently with a start date of March 1. Same job as before but with a slightly different title.

When I became interim, I wondered if it was the right thing to do to come back permanently. I have been there and done that so to speak and I left. But, I left with unfinished business. There were several factors in my initial departure and we don't need to rehash them but let's just say that I left with a lot still on my to-do list for this community. At the end of the day, that is why I wanted to return.

Knoxville is fortunate to have a great network of local organizations, government officials, and community members who strive to guarantee that we have greenways and trails to run, walk, bike, and hike on any time we'd like.

In my opinion, we are poised to be the "go to" city in the southeast and even nationally for physical fitness, outdoor community events, and overall experts on health and wellness and good quality of life. The Knoxville Track Club fits naturally into the equation as experts on planning running/walking events and providing a great foundation of programming to support a good quality of life.

Outside of work, I am still plugging away with community service. I am humbled and blessed to serve on the boards for United Way of Greater Knoxville, Volunteer Knoxville, and to be the incoming Chair for the Community Health Council beginning in April.  In addition to those boards, I also serve on sub-committees for all three and I am thrilled to also be part of committees for Leadership Knoxville. I enjoy the service and each one of these groups compliment one another and the work I do for KTC.

Above all, we are having a blast with the kids. Karson has developed this amazing personality and I am amazed daily with Jackson's sense of humor, his creativity, and his intelligence. And I am blessed to be coming up on 11 years of marriage to the man that is my best friend and my overall favorite. It's been a wild ride and I can't wait to see where the years take us.

That's it. Time to pack up my bags and leave the Starbucks for a meeting.

See you on the roads!