A Weight Lifted

I started this blog when Jackson was a baby with the intent to write about everyday life with kiddos. There are tons of books out there on raising children, but I wanted to go the route of day-to-day life and all the things that go along with it - the good, the bad, the hilarious, and the gross. 

Admittedly, I have been slacking for the last few years. One would think I had more time during the pandemic, but instead of writing a blog, I wrote research papers to earn my master's degree. 

So, here we are. November 2022. 

Many of you saw weeks ago that we moved Jackson to a private school. That was not pre-planned and it was a move that is much out of character for us. We have been advocates for public education for as long as we have had children. That said, we chose our home based on elementary schools. We had several that we wanted the boys to attend and we bought a house in a location where we could make that happen. 

Our elementary school experience has been and is still amazing. I wouldn't change a minute of the last 8 years at Rocky Hill. 

Last year, we survived 6th grade. I say "we" because it was truly a group effort. Jackson didn't thrive, and as a family unit, we were just hanging on for the ride. Altman and I encouraged, supported, cheered, and loved him through a pretty unfun year. 

Jackson is not an extrovert. Jackson is not the kid who is going to walk up, shake your hand, and introduce himself if he doesn't already know you. 

Jackson is a nice kid. He follows rules and has the kindest heart of anyone I know. We knew middle school would be a learning experience and we knew that we'd have challenges. 

What the books didn't tell me was that my insides would feel ripped apart and that my anxiety (which is already way up there) would skyrocket when my sweet boy started calling me every day in tears. 

He stopped smiling and being so funny. We watched as he began to retreat in the first few weeks of this year. We all cried a lot and we had calls with school administrators and therapists and anyone that we could talk to about how to handle the year. 

I became a ball of stress and anxiety every weekday. My stomach would hurt when we separated in the morning, and I'd be sick all day until we were reunited. I'm not a helicopter mom, but knowing that he was likely having a crappy day made me physically ill. 

He didn't have any close friends this year in class. Issues from 6th grade came back and became issues in 7th grade. We were 7 weeks into this year when we hit our breaking point. 

Knowing Sacred Heart's excellent reputation, I reached out to friends who work there. They immediately checked on us and pointed us in the right direction. 

I started sobbing on the phone with the SHCS admissions director when she told me that their goal was to love, nurture, and support their students. I cried to a complete stranger. I can't remember a time in my life when I've been that vulnerable to a stranger. I usually reserve those breakdowns for only those closest to me. 

We visited and then Jackson shadowed. After shadowing he asked us when he could go back to SHCS and told us that he didn't want to go to public school anymore. That was important. We wanted him to be part of the decision and he was very clear. 

The switch from public to private was shockingly easy and quick. 

The change in Jackson was as shockingly easy and quick. 

He is happy. He is smiling. He is volunteering to try new things at Sacred Heart. We have been welcomed with open arms and we are heading in the right direction. 

Now that he's been there several weeks, it feels as though a weight has been lifted. It feels like we can all breathe again. 

There are always going to be hard times. If we are lucky, we'll have ample opportunity to learn lessons about life and conflict resolution, and perseverance. But, 13 is hard. Growing up is hard. Raising kids is hard. Altman and I made this decision based on Jackson's needs and our goal of nurturing him into being a good human as he grows up. 

At the end of the day, we all do the best we can. And my non-professional advice to parents is to do what your gut says. My gut said that we had to take action. Altman agreed. Jackson agreed. 

Now, we are looking forward to school days and activities and what this adventure will bring and that is the greatest feeling in the world. 

Hugs and love, K

Contemplating the Celebration of Loved Ones

It's no secret that the last several weeks have been one challenge after another for the Altman fam. Heck, we could even go back to last fall as a start date. 

That said, I think we've rolled with the punches using our best attitudes, our best efforts, and the mantra of "survive and advance" on repeat. 

And yet, I expect our little family to continue to encounter more challenges(sick kid today for example) as we all get older, but I also expect fun and good times too.

Jackson and Karson have just experienced their first family death and funeral. Karson is young and has responded as I expected. He's a little clingier than normal but otherwise has been very much himself. Jackson has had a harder time. He's on the verge of his teenage years, and things are already confusing and hard, and losing his Nana was a big hit. We've encouraged him to talk about her, and that it's okay to be sad and miss her. 

Anyone who has children older than ours will know that as they get older, the life situations and opportunities for growth, continue on. The first funeral is a thing. A real funeral service is a whole new experience for kids. Luckily, my kids have made it this far in life without losing anyone close to them. This weekend was their first service and provided a lot of opportunity for conversation for all of us. 

I was taught to always go to the receiving of friends and/or the funeral. If your friends lose someone, you make your best effort to go to visitation or the funeral. The pandemic changed that for so many people, and I have to wonder how funerals and their attendance will look in the future. 

Have we replaced our in-person interactions with the Facebook care button or a text with thoughts and prayers? 

Or, is it just situational and dependent on our relationship with the deceased and/or their family, and our own schedules?

The service for Judy was well-done. The Reverand did a great job, and both Jason and his sister were excellent speakers. I'm glad that the boys were able to have their first funeral be one that was uplifting and truly celebrated Jason's mom. 

Those that came on Saturday truly made our day, and are in our hearts and loved by the Altman fam forever. We know that a Saturday mid-day is hard (especially in the sleet, snow, and wind), but seeing familiar faces is so uplifting. 

We were watching Ozark Saturday night (yes, I am way behind) and one of the characters was saying that we should just be able to say "this sucks" when talking to those who lose someone. It's not that far off from the truth. It does suck. But, at the end of the day, we were able to celebrate Jason's mom and remember her for her love for everyone around her. That's something special. 

So, as you go into your week, remember to be kind to one another. Do something nice for someone this week. And if you are presented in the future with the opportunity to support someone during their time of loss, go support them. It may be uncomfortable for you, but I can guarantee that it will make their day brighter during a time that can be dark. 

Hugs and love, K