Dearest Karson...

Dearest Karson,

It is 9 pm on the night before your actual birthday. You think today was your birthday because we celebrated with Italian Ice, playgrounds, playing at Krutch Park, presents, and cupcakes. Tomorrow is a busy day and we wanted you to feel special so today was the day.

You are asleep now (thank you!). Your dad and I are having an adult beverage on the sofa and trying to unwind before a very chaotic 8+ days.

Two years ago on this day and at this time, I was on the sofa timing contractions. I knew you were coming soon. I had known for days.

On June 20, 2013, we found out you were footling breech and you'd have to be delivered via C-Section. No choice. I cried to the doctor we saw in the office and she had my normal doc call me that afternoon. He said there was no other way. I was already in labor and too far in to safely turn you. Surgery it would be.

I was heartbroken. So many people judge on how you deliver your kid and I didn't want to be a bad mom because I couldn't deliver you the same way that Jackson was delivered (although that didn't go well either).

The next day (two years ago today), I was contracting from the time I woke. Truthfully, the doc onsite for the ultrasound the day before wanted me to deliver that day (June 20). She kept telling me to go home, get my bag, get Jackson settled with someone, and come back. We didn't do it. And the doctor on call that Friday wasn't one that I knew so you'd have to wait until the 22nd when my normal doctor was on call to be delivered. Thankfully you did. If my water had broken, we'd have been in a lot of trouble.

On June 22, 2013, you were born late afternoon during the most amazing delivery ever. We laughed and joked and talked through the whole thing. Your dad was there and I was able to kiss your face within seconds of your birth. You spent some time in the NICU. You had fluid on your lungs and they couldn't keep your body temp where it needed to be. But, you rallied quickly and we were able to come home just days after you were born.

You have taken us on a wild ride since. I have never had another human being take me from anger to smiles to frustration to pride at any given minute on any given day. It can be exhausting. Really exhausting.

You are stubborn. You are impatient. You want to do it your way. You don't want or need help.

I could play dumb and say that I have no idea where you get those traits but I know too well where they come from and what lies ahead of you.

Here's what I can tell you....

1. Stubbornness is good sometimes but in many situations, you need to be open to others. Just do it. You'll learn.
2. Patience is necessary. It sucks sometimes but totally necessary for being a good person. And for learning and growing. You can't be your best if you are impatient.
3. Keep doing things your way. I have found that it helps to solve problems. That doesn't mean that you can discount other ways and ignore suggestions from others but I have found that if I take all the information from all sources then I can usually figure out the answers. Just make sure you give credit to those who help you.
4. You do need help. I still struggle with this one. Your father made me see that two is better than one. But, I still struggle with asking for help. Don't. Ask for help when you need it. Ask for help when you don't need it. Engage other people in whatever you are doing. Seriously. It's the best way for everyone.

I love you itty-bitty. You are amazing. You have this flaming red hair and these blue eyes that can see right through a person. You are going to do big things. I know it in my heart.

Love you dude.

Mom