Shutting Down My Mind

Someone needs to stop the speeding train also known as my brain. It is 11:30 pm and I am wide awake. I hate this. I've actually been sleeping pretty well lately but have bouts with sleeplessness once in awhile. Mostly, they are due to anxiety and it is likely that is the cause of tonight's adventures.

Taking down time is a big thing for me and rarely happens. I like to work and I like to work a lot. I usually work on vacation and almost always work 7 days a week at least for a little bit every day. It is easier for me to manage everything in my world if I just keeping moving along at a quick pace cause when I stop then things start to pile up. I have done a good job the past few days of just trying to "be." I have been reading a cool book and I baked and I have played choo choo's. However, I think it is time I get back to me being myself so I stop dwelling on things I can't control....

My problem right now is that I am fixated on all the negative stories in the news. The little girl mutilated by her babysitter, the horrific story about the fire in Connecticut, and Christmas killings in Texas. What in the world is happening in the world? From what I have read, the fire was a terrible, terrible accident and I know first hand about fire and accidents and death because I have been through it. That story hits particularly close to home so I understand the feeling of anxiousness about that one but the other stories are really getting to me as well.

When I am chasing Jackson and working and staying busy, I don't have time to see the news everyday and I don't have time to sit and think about all the bad things that can happen. Having cut back on work the last few days, I keep reading the updates over and over and my mind is running a million miles a minute and I can't stop it.

On nights like these, I seriously consider sleeping outside Jackson's room or better yet, sneaking in and sleeping next to him. The problem is that I can't sneak myself, Jason, and the dogs in so I should probably just let Jackson sleep. I worry for him and his future and I worry for Jason and I but I am not really sure what I am worried about but maybe that gives me an extra reason to worry (I am a born worrier in case you didn't know....).

For now, I will drink my milk to hopefully help my heartburn and maybe check some emails or put together pre-race instructions for an upcoming event. It might help slow my mind so I can get some rest....