The Beautiful Mess of Life

I am all the way Type-A. I know - that's shocking for some of you. And, my top strength in the strengthfinder eval is "Achiever" so I know that's shocking too.

That means that I want things off the floor, laundry done, and order around the house and yard. That also means that I want homework done, reading logs complete, spelling words learned, a healthy meal on the table (and for the kids to possibly eat it), and my workouts completed on top of working full-time.

However, it's not possible for there to be order and for all the things to be done when I want them done and the way I want them done. I have two kids and three dogs. The house is going to be a mess. We have worked for many years and we're fortunate to have this home - even when I don't like it so much. It's two stories and basement which means the mess extends over all three levels. The laundry is going to sometimes be re-washed three times before it makes it to the dryer.

I know there can't be order all the time and I repeat it to myself over and over every day. Sometimes, the mantra isn't enough. There's no amount of deep breathing or shoulder rolling or calming oils and I get in a funk and then I simply have a meltdown. And, that's when I feel like I am not doing enough and wonder what the heck we are doing.

We've been really busy lately and there's been little downtime. We took an unplanned "off" weekend and completed several projects around the house (closets, bedrooms, etc). That should have been enough to make me feel good about the rest of the mess for a little while but it didn't this time and I had a mini meltdown last night.

Today, I tried for a fresh start. The kids and I had a long talk about doing what they are asked and being respectful of one another and us (like cleaning up and helping out without arguments). Instead of killing myself on a run, Jackson and I took a relaxing hike at the Cove's newest trails. I took a nap. I made pumpkin muffins. We're getting ready to grill burgers for dinner. Karson cleaned legos off the floor and Jackson finished a project. Laundry is in process - we'll see what happens to the last load of the day.

Life is messy. That's hard for me sometimes. I've gotten better over the years (kids will do that for you) but sometimes I regress and lose perspective. Fortunately, I have a good support crew on the home front who help me with perspective when mine seems skewed.

I'm off to clean-up the Halloween buckets and finish prepping for dinner and our school/work week. And, I'll hope the laundry gets finished and if not then I'll re-wash tomorrow. ;)

I am blessed and so grateful for this beautiful mess.

Happy Thanksgiving friends.

Cheers to 41!

In less than 48 hours, I will leave 40 behind for 41. Party on.

40 was a year similar to every other year of my life (and probably yours too). There was good and bad and laughter and tears. There were days when I thought I wouldn't make it to bed time and others where I hoped the day would never end. That's life.

Overall, I give 40 a thumbs up.

The kids are growing and both are so very funny and smart and kind. They have their moments (we should never spend any time in one hotel room together - ever) but we are certainly blessed. The hubs is healthy and still my biggest fan and I continue to love him more each day.

I have a renewed perspective and outlook on life. Maybe that comes with age.

The biggest thing during my year of 40 was that I left a job that I loved but realize now that it was not a good fit me anymore. It was very stressful and very toxic for me personally.

And, because of the stress, I did what every mom does - I stopped making myself a priority and did all the things for all the people and the job.

I know better now.

I love, love, love my new job and my new work family. I love connecting people and I love learning so much about our great little community. I have always loved Knoxville but these last few months have helped me fall in love with it all over again. I have met the most amazing people in just a few months and I can't wait for work each day.

I have to admit that I am in the worst shape that I've been in for 10 years including two pregnancies and post-pregnancy body.

BUT, that's over. I've been seeing Andy Baksa at Results Physiotherapy (he's a long-time friend and is not paying me to say this) and I have hope. I am optimistic. I've had injury after injury after injury. I've had back pain for months now. Because of Baksa, my back doesn't hurt and I am equipped with exercises to keep it strong AND to strengthen my hip to keep the bursitis under control.

Starting with 41, I'm getting back in shape. I don't know if that means running or lifting or yoga and I'll let my body decide but the extra weight is on its way out.

I've always hear that your 40's are the best years and I have to say, if 40 was an indication of what is to come then I am pumped.

See ya on the roads!

Reset Button

Today was the first day of school for Jackson. To me, the first day of school is a chance for a reset. That said, every day is a chance for a reset but the first day of school really brings the opportunity to update your routine and make changes.

It's no secret that this was not the summer of fun that we'd hoped for way back in May. It kicked off with an amazing vacation and was followed by a fun June but July really did a number on us. Starting with the first day of July, someone was sick for over three weeks. We weren't dying and things could always be worse but it was really unfortunate for all of us.