Taking our circus on the road....

There are many stages to Altman Family travels. This post describes our current situation.

One year ago....Altman wins Kiawah Island Marathon and we readily agree it will be amazing to come back in 2017.

Months out....Altman asks me if I really want to go. Me: Sure! We had so much fun. Altman agrees and signs up for marathon.

Still months out....Altman: still wanna go on that trip? Me (having forgotten the drive from our last vacation bc I may have dementia or intentionally block certain memories): Sure. Sounds great. A little break would really be good for us. And you know, "they" say we should be making memories with these guys.

Sometime close the last convo...Me: Are you booking someplace to stay for the trip? No hotels (or crappy motels). Remember, we DON'T do well in them. Altman: No problem. I will get us that great cottage from last time.

October....the Altman Family heads to Columbus for work and marathoning. Staying in the hotel is awful. I vow NEVER to do it again.

Getting close to trip time...Me: Man, I dread that drive. Maybe we should leave early and stay overnight someplace. Altman: Maybe so. Me: Looks up Airbnb rentals. Altman: Searches hotels and tells me he found a good looking place. It's halfway there and we could leave right after school. Me: I say okay. It can't be that bad bc we will hardly be there.

Days before trip....children are unbearable and cancel the trip 5 times.

Day before trip...I get really stressed bc there is no way we are ready to leave town.

Day of trip....children are out of control. They are fighting over the 2 DVD players and space in the back seat. I threaten to cancel Christmas.

Get to first stop....small one refuses food - again. Bigger buries face in tablet then begins to antagonize everyone by taking 45 minutes to eat a quesadilla. After dinner, kids prove that there is no reason the four of us should ever stay in a hotel. I threaten again to cancel Christmas.

Overnight and early morning....kids piled in bed on top of mommy while Altman "sleeps" solo. People slam doors in hallway making it impossible to actually sleep. Oldest wakes before his normal time at home....

Morning of first stop....kids prove again that we should NEVER stay in a place where there is only one room. Kids find Buddy the Elf in car and remember that he's watching them and they should be kind and listen to directions. Buddy is not effective.

Drive to destination....children continue fighting. We stop 6 times in three hours for bathroom breaks. For this trip, we get behind a school bus making afternoon stops while no youngest whisper screams that this is taking SOOOOOOO long. The whisper scream is bc mommy and daddy are exhausted from no sleep and have taken turns napping in car.

We finally arrive and hit up unfamiliar grocery store and buy tons of random stuff.

Altman is set up and working the expo. The kids and I are going to venture out in the rain on hopes of seeing ocean....it's forecasted to rain through Saturday.

Thanks to our sweet friend watching the house and our other pet children. Apparently, the pet children were fighting last night too.

At this point, I wonder if we should stop taking trips and just stay home. I suppose if we did then I wouldn't have any awesome content to keep friends entertained.