A ride on the strugglebus

A lovely young lady that I worked with last year would use the word "strugglebus." Cureton hardly ever seemed to be having a bad day. Always smiling and at the ready, I always chuckled when she'd say she was on the strugglebus.

I adopted the word and now use it when necessary. Today is necessary. I have to admit that I have been on the strugglebus for over a week and I am ready for this ride to come to an end.

First things first, I am not complaining. I am sharing my reality. That was the point of starting this blog years ago. To share my reality as a woman, wife, and working mom.

I love my kids more than anything in this world and am incredibly blessed to have them. If these are the worst times for us then we are incredibly lucky. Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs and we just happen to be moving fast through good and bad right now.

Anyone who knows us will know that Jackson had surgery last week. We have been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support from friends. Neither of us are particularly close to our families (in fact we haven't seen or talked to my parents in over a year and Jason's parents aren't physically able to help us). My grandparents are amazing and help when they can and I have other family that would help if we called but mostly, we are raising these kids on our own with some great sitters and our local family friends.

The point is that the support has been amazing. Texts, calls, and visits have really been great for all of us especially Jackson. We had a few people brush off the surgery as not a big deal and I guess to them, it isn't a big deal. So what, your kid was under anesthesia and now has a cast up to his mid-thigh? No big deal.

But, it is a big deal. Have you ever carried a 44" pre-schooler that weighs 46 pounds?  Have you tried to move him in and out of a car or up the stairs or even to the bathroom? How many times have you had a very, very active pre-schooler suddenly be totally reliant on you for everything? (FYI - I am only 63" tall and he isn't far off from being half my weight.)

It is hard. He's used to instant gratification. Need to go potty? Get up and go. Thirsty? Get something from the fridge. Now he has to wait. Unfortunately for him, we still have a toddler that needs constant care and attention. We're working on patience with Jackson and we've had several conversations on the importance of asking with manners and then waiting patiently. Sometimes he is patient and other times, we end up having a moments where he is in trouble and we are frustrated.

I spent the first part of last week worried about the surgery and was so grateful and relieved once we were through it. Now, I've spent every day and night caring for the children with very little rest for the weary. They alternate not sleeping. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a night in over two weeks. An ENT has prescribed tubes for Karson but I just can't bear to schedule that until Jackson is a little more mobile.

On top of all of this, personal relationships have been weighing on my heart. I am usually a good judge of character but have been disappointed by a handful of people lately. I have learned some important lessons and hope not to make mistakes again. Totally unfortunate and I feel like I should know better by now given that I am 37. This is why the situations bother me so much. I can keep two kids alive, be a good wife, work full-time, stay fit, and mostly keep up with the laundry but I sometimes have trouble seeing people for who they are until it is too late. I am not gullible. That isn't it. I think my expectations for people are really high and I want to make the most of every relationship. If I am going to invest the time then I expect certain things in return. Maybe my expectations are too high but the friends that I have and love have always managed to rise to the occasion so to speak so maybe I am just spoiled.

With that said, I have also been blessed to make some new friends that I think will be good for me now and in the future. And, as I noted above, we have been blessed by so many wonderful people who have been checking in on us and offering to help us with the children.

Even though I have been focusing on the struggles, I want to take a moment to focus on the positive.

Altman Consulting is thriving. If you haven't heard, I started my own business. I do PR/Communications work. My mission is to help small businesses and nonprofits with their communications needs. So many local groups are doing such good work but don't have the time, staff, or skill set to promote their work, do social media, or plan events. I have been very lucky to take on several initial projects with several more in proposal or planning. I have website content almost ready and that project should get underway soon. I am so grateful to everyone who has encouraged me and supported me. I am especially grateful to a friend who has been guiding me along the way and is continuing to help me forge ahead. I'll never be able to repay him for his help but will try.

We are set to go on vacation in September. No explanation needed there. Good times.

I signed up for a half marathon in December. Now I have a goal. So, I should probably start running seriously soon.

I have just been invited to serve on a new board of directors and am humbled that so many groups have asked for my service. I am lucky to sit on several local boards and work on committees for so many amazing groups. The future of Knoxville is very bright.

Football season is really close. That is awesome.

Karson may finally have a tooth...after 13 months.

We have 11 days until Jackson gets his short cast.

I have the greatest husband on earth. Seriously. Hands down. I never knew that someone could
love and support me so unconditionally.

And finally, I am off this afternoon for a little pampering.

So, hopefully the strugglebus is coming to a stop and we'll get on track soon. For now, I will sign off with a new hashtag from one of my new favorite friends. #letsdothis

See you on the roads (and not on the strugglebus).