Goal: Give Myself a Break

I haven't looked up any statistics but I would venture to guess that most people would find themselves to be their own worst critics. I certainly am. There is no one in the world that could be harder on me than myself. I've been this way since I was a child. I am sure that's shocking news for everyone. :)

As I've gotten older, I have become slightly more patient (when I had zero patience for many years) and slightly more flexible in life but I would like to be able to give myself a break once in awhile.

I'd say I am a work in progress but I don't like the message indicated by that phrase. It sounds like there's something wrong with me and I need to be "fixed". It takes all types of personalities for the world to go round and I won't apologize or feel bad for working hard, being detailed, being organized, making every effort for things to run smoothly, and putting my heart and soul in to whatever I do in life. It's who I am and I'm proud of it but I also understand that there's room for growth.

With that said, I've decided that a new goal in life is to give myself a break when warranted.

Here's an example:

I was very sick last week. I was basically comatose on Tuesday and in a fog through Friday. I got up Saturday morning with the intention of running six miles because that's what was on my schedule. It didn't matter that I had been sick. It didn't matter that I didn't run Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. It didn't matter that I was wheezing and coughing up lungs after running for four minutes during a run/walk workout on the treadmill on Friday.

The six-miler didn't happen. I ran half a mile and it hurt to breathe. I finished mile one and took a short break in which another runner stopped to tell me what a great day it was for a run and that maybe I should try some strides to open up my lungs and that they always work for him....



In the meantime, Altman was running an easy 10ish-miler even though he said he was sick. So I ran another mile and finished with two for the day. Then, I did some core work and strength work while I waited for Altman to finish. And, to be brutally honest with you, I sat in the car and cried for a few minutes. I texted my friend Karen and complained that my six was only two. Her response was that I should flip my thinking and view as a victory for the day. I'd been sick so two should have been better than none.

I was mad and frustrated. Mad at myself and my body for not making it six miles. For the first time in 5+ years, I have a running goal. I absolutely refused to give myself a break. In my head, I didn't follow the schedule and therefore, I am weak and not focused on the goal.

I realize how that sounds when I write it out and when I say it to myself but I've always been one to push through everything. I don't know how to give up so I just keep going. I push through exhaustion, injury, sickness, good times, and bad.

Both boys tested positive for "Flu A" today. The doctor said that I probably had it last week and that I'm still recovering. I was definitely still recovering on Saturday when I opted to run outside in the freezing temperatures.

Here's the plan:
1. Stop and evaluate the situation.
2. Take a deep breath.
3. Are circumstances out of my control (sickness in me or the kids, weather, etc.)? Answer honestly.
4. If yes, then give myself a break and let it be okay to regroup.
5. Regroup and move on.

And my first chance is the rest of this week. I had been longing to get back to work and the office and to get back to my running schedule and get the boys back on a schedule.

My house is flu-ridden so I am working at home until the kids are well enough to get out again. I am still coughing and am utterly exhausted from being up all night with the boys. I am going to take a nap today. I may or may not do laundry. I am not going to get on the treadmill even though my schedule says that I need to run 3 miles today.

I am going to give myself a break and just try to get through the next few days. It doesn't mean I'm weak. It means that I allowing myself time to heal and to help the boys heal so that I can continue to push through life as a healthy mom.

See you on the roads!


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