Incomprehensible

This has been a long week and a longer weekend. I would like to complain. I don't like to complain publicly (I save it for Altman) but I would really feel so much better if I could just complain - out loud - to anyone who would listen.

But, I won't. You can thank me later.

I am going to reflect on what an incomprehensible week we had last week. I woke up early on Monday and got in my elliptical workout. I took off for work and promptly at 10 am, I pulled up the Boston Marathon on one of the many tabs on my 2nd monitor at work. I could listen to info on the leaders while I worked on various projects and emails to clients.

It was great. The women's leader for a time was way out in front and I kept saying to myself that she was going to lose that lead. And, she did. Heartbreaking for her. I watched as Shalane Flannagan and Kara Goucher crossed the finish line and got a little teary when announcers talked about the winner having taken time off for maternity leave. Of course she did...and she came back to win the Boston Marathon. Awesome.

I had an afternoon meeting and headed to Panera to work when it was over.

Earlier in the day, I had gotten a note from one of our local sports reporters asking for a list of locals running Boston. I had Jason pull the list and while sending it to her, she emailed to ask if I had seen the news about Boston...

The rest of the day was hectic. Texts, emails, Facebook posts and more to try to locate Knoxville runners. No, I am not the Director for KTC anymore but runners are my family and have been for years. I may not be attending all the races these days but I know most of the local runners either personally or by name. They are now and always will be our family.

I couldn't catch my breath for most of the afternoon. There was this great feeling of helplessness for our friends, for the spectators and runners we didn't know, for the volunteers, and for the staff of the Boston Marathon.

I picked up Jackson from pre-school and fought back tears all afternoon. He could see that I was "sad" and I told him that someone had been mean to some runners but that our friends were fine.

As I sat down for dinner, I heard the news that an 8-year-old boy had died. I lost it. I sobbed uncontrollably.

How can I raise this child (and another coming soon) in this world? How am I supposed to protect him? Schools aren't safe and now race finish lines might not be safe.

I can't count the finish lines that Jackson and I have waited for Jason or that Jason and Jackson have waited for me. I can't count the times that Jason has finished a race and come to find us, hugged us, and took off on a cool-down or the other way around.

From what I heard, that was the story...the father finished, hugged the family, and headed to post-race when the explosions happened. I haven't taken the time to verify that information so if it is wrong then I apologize. Even if the son and mom and sister were just waiting and hadn't seen the dad, it is still devastating. And, unfair.

I have been to the Boston Marathon finish line. I was 26 or 27 weeks pregnant with Jackson and we traveled there so that Jason could run. I started my day at the finish line and moved a bit to meet a friend so we could watch together. Looking at the photos and video make my heart ache. What if we had decided to go this year?

We won't stop racing. We won't stop going to events. We won't lock ourselves in our house and shy away because there is crazy in the world. However, as I look ahead, I have to question how are going to do this?

How do you teach your child to be friendly but not talk to strangers? How do you teach your child to look for things that might be "out of place" or to be on alert for strangers at any given location? Or how to react to someone with a gun at school or church or the grocery store or the park? Or, what to do if a bomb goes off at a finish line?

This is a tough world and tough times. None of us are safe.

I gave myself a few days to grieve. To grieve for the victims and for all of the volunteers and staff that were there that have been affected so deeply by that day.

Similar to the rest of the nation, I gave a little cheer when officers took Suspect #2 into custody and now I wait for answers. I don't know if we'll get the answers we are looking for or not but I will wait because I want to know why in the world these two brothers did this.

I used to laugh that every day that Jackson wakes up and goes to bed is a success. That was mostly a joke about myself and my lack of parenting knowledge. Now, it isn't as funny. Every day that he wakes up and every day that he goes to bed really is a success. That means that things went well enough in between to give us one more day with him.

I hope we have a lifetime of days together.

There is a lot of good in this world. I know that and I look forward to it every day. I try to be part of it. I hope that we can teach our children to be kind, loving, and to help others.

Last week was incomprehensible. There isn't a better word for me to use to describe it.

But, tomorrow, I will get up and workout. I will get Jackson out of bed and we'll snuggle and watch cartoons before school. We'll dive back into our normal routine and we'll move forward.

We won't forget last Monday but we'll live and run with a renewed reason to cross the start line and the finish line of many more days and many more races.

Small Wins!

Life is a marathon. It isn't a sprint. Each day, month, and year is full of miles and miles.

Whether you are a Mom or Dad, if you work full-time or manage a household, or whatever you do in life - your days are made up of increments of time and activities. Personally, I am a mom, wife, athlete and I work a full-time job (oh yeah, and I am 1,000,000 weeks pregnant). In an effort to be the best version of me, I have been taking time to notice the days as they go by and trying to reflect on each one so that I learn something new and try not to make the same mistakes twice.

In my observations, I have been thinking about the daily wins and losses...Worked out and showered before waking toddler. High five for me and win #1 for the day. Kid ate breakfast. Another high five. That would be win #2 for the day. Got kid, self, and husband out the door on time. That is like a hat trick. Cheers all around please. Forgot to bring coffee to work. Bummer. That is a big loss. But, didn't get killed driving to work on Alcoa Highway. Total win. The list goes on and on. The day is broken into small battles, races, games, or whatever you choose to use as your analogy. Each little part results in a win or a loss.

I am not huge on self promotion. Once in awhile, I will post on FB a great workout or race accomplishment and sometimes I will post my articles when I write for the paper. I would rather post a pic of my adorable child or talk about something my fab husband has done.

But, last week, my wins outnumbered my losses in a big way.

Not only did I work my full-time job but I worked every night on my community volunteer activities. And not just a little bit. I got a lot done and that was really cool. There are some great events happening this spring and I was worried about my participation and availability but after last week, I am feeling good about them.

Not only did I get my job work done and my community work done BUT I had dinner for every night of the week for my family and my kid was never neglected or left asking when mommy would play with him because I was there for that too.

I worked out 5 out of 7 days and the only reason it wasn't more is because I popped a rib out of place and was too sore the day after getting it fixed to workout early. I had coffee with a friend and got to discuss some fabulous ideas for our community and ways to increase outdoor activity (which we all know if my fave). I got a birthday present for a weekend birthday party and its presentation was actually pretty (as opposed to my usual terrible wrapping jobs). And, we got to enjoy visiting with those friends for a great deal of time yesterday.

These are daily life activities but I got them done and completed without fighting, crying, or any other angst that might go along with daily life when one is busy.

It wasn't all great. The toddler threw a huge tantrum on Wednesday when I picked him up that resulted in us taking away a few of his favorite things. That is never good for any of us. On two nights, he lost stars (from his weekly star chart) for not eating dinner. I had to spend over an hour of my workday on Thursday getting my back fixed when said rib popped out of place. The only reason I went that day was because I couldn't turn my head which made driving/merging in traffic a bit difficult.

I have no idea what will happen this week. I may not get a single item accomplished. I suppose that would even out last week's triumphs. That is life. We go mile after mile after mile and sometimes we win the race and sometimes we lose.

I am celebrating and discussing because when things click into place then they are worth mentioning. I didn't cure cancer last week. I didn't save anyone's life. I didn't win a race.

I did work to provide for my family. I did volunteer work to help upcoming events that will affect our community. I played with my kid, read to him, and taught him the value of hard work and hopefully good manners. I worked out for myself and baby Altman #2 who will be here this summer. I supported my husband in his job, his training, and in our life.

Speaking of my husband, I don't (and couldn't) do this alone. Jason is incredible and has helped keep our life moving along. We have to do this together or else we would still be standing at our start line wondering where everyone went. We have always provided a great deal of balance for one another and the spring is always a time of great stress for our household. But, we do it together and it works - it isn't always pretty but heck that is no big deal.

Our life isn't charmed and it isn't easy. We were lucky to find one another many years ago. We recognize that we were/are lucky and we make it point to work with one another at all times. We work our behinds off every day of the week, of the month, and of each year to have our life. We may never get to retire and that is okay by me. We do have fun but we do have days where we wish we could have a restart. We celebrate the victories because they mean a lot in the grand scheme of our marathon life together.

For now, I am going to bed. 5:45 am is coming early and I have a long day ahead and three weeks ahead of me. I have a lot on my plate between now and the time Baby #2 is born (and beyond then really). Some days my wins will outnumber my losses and other days, I will bring up the rear and just hope to finish.

See you on the roads....

Oh Happy Day!

I hope when you read this, you have been outside in the BEAUTIFUL weather. Wowza. What a day. The only thing is missing is the ability to have a glass of wine on the back porch this evening but hey, I can do that again in July. I suppose I will have lemonade instead today.

I truly think that weather has such an impact on people and their attitudes. Everyone seems so happy and friendly today.

Jackson is snoozing now and I need to wake him up. He played so hard today that I am sure he is exhausted.

We met Jason at the park so that I could run and they could play. I had a great run with a friend and did 3 in 29 minutes. That does count the walk breaks - and yes, there were several. And no, I am not trying to hit a certain pace. I am just letting my body tell me when to walk or stop or run.

After a family lunch, Altman took off to paint green arrows around the city and we headed home.We changed clothes and hit another park where Jackson promptly made a new friend.

His new little friend was a 5 year old who was a bit a bossy. My cool kid played well and when the bossy kid wanted him to do something that was out of his ability then Jackson redirected. When the kid got extra bossy, Jackson said, "Nope, don't want to do that." Happy day for mommy. I hope my kid is always strong enough to say no when something doesn't seem right to him. It might sound like an exaggeration but if he won't be bullied on a playground at 3.5 then hopefully he'll be the same when some kid is shoving pills or whatever in his face in 10 years.

Next up, maybe walking the dogs and then hitting the grocery store. It has been a crazy long, hectic week and I needed a low stress day to re-energize. This has been that day. I am very much enjoying the new schedule and being able to spend more time with Jackson (and Altman as soon as the CHKM is over).

Today is a happy day. The goal in 2013 is to recognize every single day the things that make me happy. There are many and it is easy to get busy and wrapped up in life and forget to really recognize our blessings. I am blessed with a healthy and happy child, a healthy and happy husband, and a healthy (and hopefully happy) growing child, and I am also healthy and happy. I am blessed with some awesome opportunities and looking forward to great things to come.

Oh happy day. Now get back out there and enjoy this fabulous Saturday.