Gatlinburg

My heart hearts today and I just feel sad. I was hoping to perk up a little but I can't turn off the TV and I can't get my mind to stop seeing the images on TV and social media. I've done pretty well holding in my tears but writing this may send me over the edge.

The wild fires are breaking my heart. The news coverage is breaking my heart. It's all bringing back emotions that I haven't felt this strongly in years.

My father was burned over 75% of his body when I was in middle school. He went to work, the building blew up (it was a construction site at a chemical plant), and life was never the same. Our family was never the same. That's the short version of the story. I no longer have a relationship with my parents (that's a whole other long story) but I imagine that to this day, he's still affected by his accident.

The story from that night is that he came out of the building on fire. A co-worker pushed him down to put out the fire but he came in contact with chemicals that also burned him. From what I remember from the stories, he was awake and in shock until EMS arrived and doesn't remember getting in the ambulance or anything after for some time.

He was in the hospital for weeks and then recovery took years.

That was middle school. It was awful and so, so hard on everyone.

My senior year of high school, just after attending a funeral for a classmate, my aunt died in a house fire. It was an electrical fire. A little bit of peace comes from the fact that firefighters told my family that she wouldn't have suffered and likely died immediately. Inhaling the smoke would have knocked her out. Three inhales and she was likely dead. I didn't see the house on fire but I saw it the day after and then throughout the rebuild process. It was a total loss.

Friends with the fire department gave me details that I really shouldn't have heard. Those details were too much for a 17 year old girl. I think they thought it would be helpful but it wasn't and they've stuck with me for years.

In college, one of the houses in the gravel lot where I lived burned on a cold, snowy day. No one was hurt but friends lost most of their stuff. It was crazy to see the flames set against snow.

I could barely make myself go to bed last night and I didn't sleep. I knew I wouldn't sleep thinking about all of those people trying to find safety.

Not only have we watched our precious mountains burn and burn and burn but now, so many people's lives have been set on a new path. And it is a new path that isn't going to be easy.

Even when the new stories slow down, homes and businesses will take time to rebuild. Families will need time to heal.

Please give. Send money. Pray if you pray or just send positive vibes if you aren't a praying person. And don't forget about these people affected by this terrible situation. Our newsfeeds will go back to being political and full of nastiness within a few days but each day, try to remember how lucky you are regardless of your current situation.

For now, I'm going to donate to the Red Cross and instead of complaining about the toys all over my floor, I think I'll play trains with the boys when they get home because I have a home and I have many trains and for this moment, we are safe.