Hello Self!

It’s been ages since I wrote and published a post. I’ve written several in the last year or so but left so many in the draft folder.

Why is that?

I am not really sure. My best explanation is that I feel different these days.

I don’t know that I have been unhappy over the last few years but now I recognize that I was moving through life trying to figure out what’s best for the family and me.

I spent a long time first voluneering then working for KTC. When I got the call in spring 2017 about a new opportunity, I knew I couldn’t pass it up. But leaving KTC left me in a weird place and wondering about my identity. I had been affiliated with the club for so long that I wasn’t sure who I should be....

I wasn’t unhappy at Leadership Knoxville/Connect Knox but I think I always knew I wouldn’t be there long-term. It was a great job and a great organization but my gut told me that I would get the initiative launched and something else would come along. And it did.

When I learned about the opportunity with MEDIC, I was over the moon with excitement because I knew that it would be a great job for me. And it is. I wake up before the alarm every day excited to go to work.

I titled this blog “Hello Self” because for the first time in a long-time, I feel like the version of myself that is focused, disciplined and ready to handle anything that comes my way. I think I have been afraid to publish blog posts because what I wrote were just words without real emotion and honesty behind them and that’s just not me.

I am happy these days. The boys are funny and smart (and infuriating) and growing up quickly. Altman is still my bestie and still inspiring me every day. It’s not all roses and good times but these last two months are different than the last few years.

I don’t miss workouts these days. There is a renewed fire to take better care of myself. I have been injured over and over since Karson was born and have used those injuries as a crutch to do the minimum. I am ready to be healthy and stay healthy in whatever version that becomes.

I am not over-committed these days and it’s amazing. I still serve on a few boards but am very conscious about agreeing to do things. I have control of my overall schedule and that allows us to be flexible during this time of year when Altman’s schedule is not his own.

These days, myself and my family come first.

Cheers to a new year, new goals and new adventures! Look forward to sharing them with you.

Waving the White Flag

I firmly believe that positive thinking can keep me healthy. Repeating that I am not sick and taking all the meds usually does the trick.

I knew this was coming. I have battled allergies and sinus infections for as long as I have memories. I tried allergy shots but the side effects weren’t worth whatever solution was supposed to happen.

So again, I knew this was coming but could not stop it.

We have been so busy lately and then the ragweed monster came to fight. It started with a little congestion and morphed in to a cough. I kept pushing - as I do - and took OTC meds to contain it. A few weeks later and I am on round 2 of prednisone and have an appointment with the allergist on Friday.

I am tired. Exhausted. I am coughing still and my voice is downright scary. I could deal with those things but I have become grumpy and snappy. I draw the line there.

I am not an unhappy human. I like hugs and smiles and people. But today I was grumpy and snappy and realize that I need to get myself well.

So, off to bed I go and hopefully rest helps. Hopefully the meds help. And hopefully I am 100% again soon.

See ya on the roads...when I feel better.

Social Reality vs. Perception and Being Real

I did something this morning that I never do...I posted a family photo and then deleted it a few minutes later. I had taken time last night to crop it and capture the smiles and logged in this morning and loaded it to Instagram/FB and then started to think about it and decided it needed to come down.

Why?

It was fake. It showed the four of us smiling and giving the impression that we were having an amazing time at an event. We weren't. The event was great but the Altman family was not at our best.