The Right Time

I have heard the saying "fake it til you make it" over and over. Honestly, I have lived a good deal of my life faking it til I made it. There is hardly a situation where I don't "push" myself...meaning that it would be rare that I am not persevering through bad times to get to the good times. The "push" is in my nature and I have come to love that about myself over the years. I just smile and keep going no matter how bad something sucks.

Jobs...there have been lots of time where I had no idea what I was doing but I am a quick study and forever driven to do more so it has always worked out. Sometimes, I found that I loved what I was doing and other times....well, let's just say that I didn't stay at those jobs very long.

Kids....I have no idea what I am doing. Luckily, I have an awesome partner in crime who also doesn't know what he is doing either so we just make this whole kid-raising thing fun. Everyday that we wake up and go to bed is a success. Seriously. You think I am kidding but I am not. In the time that they are awake, I hope that they are learning to be respectful of others, that hard work is important, to be kind, and to have fun among other things. From what I can tell, so far so good. I can't tell you what tomorrow brings but today I can tell you that Jackson is smart, kind, courteous, and freaking hilarious.

Running...I will let you in on a little secret. I hated running when I started. Altman started running before me and was losing weight like crazy and I was jealous. I was teaching 5 or 6 group exercise classes a week and he was dropping pounds like it was his job. I was mad. And green with envy. So I started running. It was hard and it sucked. I sucked at it. But, I kept on. Pushing because I don't know anything different. Finally, it clicked. It was a run on Cherokee and I ran end to end without stopping. It wasn't fast but when I finished, my whole life had changed.

The point of this blog is to talk about the running. I have been missing "that feeling." I haven't run competitively in 2 years. I was focused on getting pregnant so I stopped training to gain weight (I thought that was the reason I wasn't getting pregnant) and then my body revolted during the pregnancy and my hips just couldn't handle the stress.

Since Karson was born, it has been really hard to get in runs between keeping this being alive (yep, I was his sole food source until recently), parenting the toddler, being a wife, working full-time, and just trying to breath. I started off so well last summer and then tumbled down the stairs and lost momentum. Since then, I have been faking my excitement about training.

I am runner. I will always be a runner. I wish I had known I was a runner when I was young because maybe that could have been my sport. I have been waiting patiently for that moment when I remembered all of this and could finally look ahead and say that yes, training will be hard and that I am going to have to sacrifice things (sleep mostly) to do it but in the end, training makes me happy.

The time is right. It hit me today. I did a speed workout. And...I remembered all of it. I remember running fast and winning...and losing by the lean of the chest. I remember running slow and enjoying the scenery. I remember sunny days and snowstorms and rainstorms. I remember that training pushes me to do well in all areas of my life.

We'll see how things work out but I think the time is finally right to remember who I am and push through the obstacles and hit the roads....

See you out there.

The Truth about Christmas and Children

For years now, a friend and I have speculated (alright, downright agreed) that parents keep secrets from potential parents. They aren't telling lies but they aren't telling the whole truth always. Initially, I thought it was a terrible thing but have since found myself leaving out certain details when talking to men and women who might ever consider having a child.

What we do tell others is true. It is hard. You don't sleep. Babies poop - a lot. They change your life but in the greatest way that you could have never imagined. All true. So true.

One of the biggest deceits is that no one talks about Christmas anxiety and turmoil. I am not talking about finding the perfect gifts or perfectly iced cookies or basted turkey. I am talking about the continual, any minute of the day, total and uncontrollable children meltdowns. Maybe your kids don't have them. If not then I will gladly let you teach me your tricks.

Department stores start decorating for Christmas in October. By Thanksgiving, everyone is on the holiday freeway and things are full speed ahead. In all of this, little kids start getting excited for Christmas and Santa Claus and then we ask them to spend well over a month "behaving" with the bribe that they will receive a ridiculous amount of presents.

I am guilty of putting the tree up early. I like having the tree decorated and up for Thanksgiving dinner. It is a personal preference. I may reconsider in 2014...

Last year was awesome. Jackson was just old enough to get excited about Santa and Christmas. He has never been one to bother the tree so that wasn't a big deal. We introduced Buddy the Elf and had fun moving him around. Once we got past Christmas Day, he moved on to the excitement of other holidays.

With that said, he started asking about Santa in July of this year. I think it may have been the day after his birthday. It was cute. And then in September, it was cute when he told everyone we met at the beach (yes, the ocean where it was still 85 degrees) about how he was going to run down the stairs and play with his gifts on Christmas Day.

He was giddy to put up the Christmas tree and celebrated Thanksgiving like a champ. Fast forward to today and I can safely say that I think we got a little too excited a little too early this year. He is a roller coaster of emotion. One minute, he is happy and excited and then he is stomping his feet and crossing his arms and huffing and puffing and finally he is crying so hard because he is heartbroken over his own tantrum. I have never seen anything like it. And honestly, most of the time I don't know what to do with it.

He got into trouble today for throwing a HUGE tantrum. We are talking one of those "get up to your room right now" kind of tantrums. Hours later when he realized his punishment (even though he'd been told at the time of his tantrum), he began sobbing uncontrollably. Huge crocodile tears and apologies aplenty. I didn't want to laugh but it was almost funny. It was also sad. And, it was totally infuriating.

He is tired. He had a big weekend on top of a big week. There is a lot going on for all of us and we are asking so much of him. I made him a deal that he'll tone it down a bit and so will I. I have promised to be a little more flexible on what "behave" means and he has promised to think before he throws a tantrum. Mind you, this doesn't mean that he won't need to have good manners and follow rules but I am pledging to recognize the signs of an impending meltdown and take a step back before I lose my temper or get irritated. I have the feeling that neither of us will live up to our promise but we are going to try.

So, if you are even considering having children, I am letting this secret out of the bag. You will thank me someday. You need to know that holidays are so tremendously wonderful but they can be hard. This is a great opportunity to teach your child about giving to others through Angel Tree gifts and ringing the Salvation Army Bell. But, it isn't all about the cute pictures of train rides, icing cookies, Santa visits (and sometimes that is the worst), and opening presents. It is about trying to keep your children grounded while lifting them up with promises of Santa visits and presents.

Tomorrow is a new day and I know that I like every other day of our lives, I will be excited to wake Jackson up and get the day started. I will be excited to follow him while he looks for Buddy the Elf and I will be excited to hear him talk about his Christmas play this week.

I hope that tomorrow we can both remember our promises to each other and that the day is a little tamer than today. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Hugs,
Kristy

A Little Running

I've been increasing mileage lately. If all goes well, I will be running a half marathon in February and a full in April. I realized a few weeks ago that it is time to step up my game and get back to what I love - distance running. 

I won't lie. It hasn't been easy. I took the longest break of my running career this year. 

I had to stop running at 30 weeks with Karson because the pain and soreness had become unbearable. I wanted to keep running longer but purposely making myself miserable would have been silly. I was fortunate that I have an elliptical and could do a good deal of low impact cardio and yoga until the day he was born. I had a c-section this time so I didn't run as quickly after delivery as I did with Jackson. I started easy one week after Karson was born with walking and the elliptical and didn't run for about 3 weeks.

I had 9 total weeks off from running. Since we started running in 2004, I have only had one break over a week and that was because I was wearing a boot for 4 or 5 weeks to heal a stress reaction. Otherwise, I run.

After getting back in the game this summer and starting to find a groove, I fell down the stairs. Ugh.

So, after another week or so of taking it easy, I laced up and headed out again. Admittedly, I have been pretty inconsistent. Having a second baby on top of the older child, being a wife, working full-time, and a good deal of community commitments floating around, I have found it hard to get a workout routine. I have slowly begun to increase my long run mileage. I have still been working out 7 days a week but not at the intensity that I have seen over the years.

With all that said, the time is now. I am roughly 8 weeks away from the half. I ran 9 miles on Saturday and that was my longest run in a year. Next week is 10. From there, the number just goes up. I will hit my first 20 miler since 2011 in March. Crazy talk. 

It isn't easy. I am sore from yesterday's 9 miler. I can remember when 9 miles was a mid-week long run or the result of a two-a-day and hopefully I will know that routine again soon.

I'm not worried about speed. For now, I just want to run and I want to run long. I am going to have to pay a lot of attention to food because I am still breastfeeding so I need to make sure that we are both getting a good deal of nutrients. I am seeing a massage therapist regularly to help me avoid injury and work out kinks that may be creeping up.

This is just another start line that will lead me to other start and finish lines. I am looking forward to the journey and getting back to my running self.

See you on the roads.