Dear Karson

My Dearest Karson,

It has now been a year since you graced us with your presence and life has been one big adventure since June 22, 2013. I wanted you so much. We had this one wonderful little boy and just knew he'd be the best big brother ever. He deserved a sibling and we wanted to give him one.

It took a year. As you know, I can be impatient so it was a hard year for me. I had a plan. Plans change. That is okay. You were worth the wait.

My pregnancy was harder than the first. I was so sick for the first half. My hips hurt so badly that my runs were very short and I had to stop them by 30 weeks. Fortunately, I kept up workouts using the elliptical and yoga and weights. As you know, mommy isn't herself if she can't workout.

You came into this world in true Karson fashion meaning that not only were you not head down but you were footling breech causing me to have a c-section. You initially had to spend time in the NICU but you are strong and pretty adamant about moving along so it wasn't long before the nurses brought you to me for good.

You don't require sleep. I have never seen anything like it but you don't want, need, or like to sleep. Sometimes you don't feel good which makes the sleepless nights really hard on us. But, you are so stinking cute that I forget almost immediately that we are tired. (And I mean really tired. One day you'll have a non-sleeping kid and I will just smile when you whine about how tired you are.)

You are smart and funny and love a good reaction from us. You have bright red hair and big blue eyes. I never dreamed I would have a baby boy with red hair and blue eyes. Sometimes people mistake you for a girl so I try to dress you in "boy" clothes as much as possible. You have the temper that comes with the red hair and you get really mad when we tell you "no" and won't let you pound the glass or stick your fingers where they don't belong.

You LOVE your brother. We knew it. We knew he'd be a great big brother and we were right. He is so good to you and you absolutely adore him. Your whole face smiles when he comes into the room. It. Is. Awesome.

We celebrated your first birthday yesterday. You are walking by yourself (about a dozen steps) and you can feed yourself (it is messy but you do pretty good). You are 100% boy. If you have boys someday then you'll understand.

I love you. Your father loves you. Jackson loves you. You complete our little family and make everyday an adventure.

Happy Birthday itty bitty.

Love,
Mom

How did we get here?

I had this total moment of serenity on Thursday night. It is funny to say that given the chaos of our nightly routine. Jason was giving both kids a bath and I ran downstairs to grab something. In the midst of the total mess, this feeling of serenity hit me out of nowhere.

How did we get here?

A decade ago when we got married, we were not planning to have children. We wanted to get married, travel, work, run, and retire early. Somewhere along the way, we mutually decided that we should give this kid thing a try. We had the conversation while on vacation (wine and beer were involved) and both agreed that we might give it a whirl. If we got pregnant then it was meant to be and if we didn't then we'd retire early and travel a lot. We got pregnant immediately.

How did we get here?

Jackson fit right into life. Truthfully, we didn't have to make a lot of changes when he was born. He was portable and easy to take to races, meetings, the gym, or wherever we needed to go. He didn't sleep well for two years and of course we had to deal with his foot issues but overall, we didn't change much.

Of course we were more aware of safety measures and what diseases be might be contracting when people came near him but our overall lifestyle didn't have to change very much.

When we decided to have kids, we made an agreement that if we had one then there would be two. So, when Jackson was 2, we started trying for the next one.

How did we get here?

It was harder to have Karson. We tried for a year and were close to giving up when I got pregnant for real (I had had a chemical pregnancy one year prior). We were so excited. At 36 weeks and 3 days, we had our final ultrasound that revealed that he was footling breech. I would have to have a c-section. It would have to be soon. That was totally not in the plan. I never, ever dreamed of a c-section and I cried and cried. It didn't take long to to realize that it didn't matter how he arrived but that he arrive safely. So, c-section it was. Then, he had fluid on his lungs and off to the NICU he went. He wasn't there long but seeing my giant compared to the other tiny babies was very humbling.

How did we get here?

Karson has changed everything. Going anywhere - and I mean anywhere - is a production. Even though we only have two kids, we have to do a head count every time we get in the car. I salute all those parents who go for the third or fourth or fifth kid because I cannot imagine adding another to the mix. Karson is very social and hates to be at home. If he is home then he wants Jackson here too or he gets cranky. As most of our friends know, Karson doesn't require sleep. Seriously. He sleeps like 8 hours out of 24. He is only one. He isn't unhappy. He is generally smiling and playing but apparently he just doesn't need sleep.

How did we get here?

Luck of the draw. Fate. The stars aligned. God. Whatever you believe...that is how we got here. In the middle of the mess, it hit me that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have a great husband. I have two - yes two - red headed boys. They are gorgeous. They are funny and they are both smart. They are kind and they are the loves of my life.

I realized that I shouldn't question how I got here because honestly, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.