The Right Time

I have heard the saying "fake it til you make it" over and over. Honestly, I have lived a good deal of my life faking it til I made it. There is hardly a situation where I don't "push" myself...meaning that it would be rare that I am not persevering through bad times to get to the good times. The "push" is in my nature and I have come to love that about myself over the years. I just smile and keep going no matter how bad something sucks.

Jobs...there have been lots of time where I had no idea what I was doing but I am a quick study and forever driven to do more so it has always worked out. Sometimes, I found that I loved what I was doing and other times....well, let's just say that I didn't stay at those jobs very long.

Kids....I have no idea what I am doing. Luckily, I have an awesome partner in crime who also doesn't know what he is doing either so we just make this whole kid-raising thing fun. Everyday that we wake up and go to bed is a success. Seriously. You think I am kidding but I am not. In the time that they are awake, I hope that they are learning to be respectful of others, that hard work is important, to be kind, and to have fun among other things. From what I can tell, so far so good. I can't tell you what tomorrow brings but today I can tell you that Jackson is smart, kind, courteous, and freaking hilarious.

Running...I will let you in on a little secret. I hated running when I started. Altman started running before me and was losing weight like crazy and I was jealous. I was teaching 5 or 6 group exercise classes a week and he was dropping pounds like it was his job. I was mad. And green with envy. So I started running. It was hard and it sucked. I sucked at it. But, I kept on. Pushing because I don't know anything different. Finally, it clicked. It was a run on Cherokee and I ran end to end without stopping. It wasn't fast but when I finished, my whole life had changed.

The point of this blog is to talk about the running. I have been missing "that feeling." I haven't run competitively in 2 years. I was focused on getting pregnant so I stopped training to gain weight (I thought that was the reason I wasn't getting pregnant) and then my body revolted during the pregnancy and my hips just couldn't handle the stress.

Since Karson was born, it has been really hard to get in runs between keeping this being alive (yep, I was his sole food source until recently), parenting the toddler, being a wife, working full-time, and just trying to breath. I started off so well last summer and then tumbled down the stairs and lost momentum. Since then, I have been faking my excitement about training.

I am runner. I will always be a runner. I wish I had known I was a runner when I was young because maybe that could have been my sport. I have been waiting patiently for that moment when I remembered all of this and could finally look ahead and say that yes, training will be hard and that I am going to have to sacrifice things (sleep mostly) to do it but in the end, training makes me happy.

The time is right. It hit me today. I did a speed workout. And...I remembered all of it. I remember running fast and winning...and losing by the lean of the chest. I remember running slow and enjoying the scenery. I remember sunny days and snowstorms and rainstorms. I remember that training pushes me to do well in all areas of my life.

We'll see how things work out but I think the time is finally right to remember who I am and push through the obstacles and hit the roads....

See you out there.