What does "having it all" mean?

Before we get started, this blog post is really about me and my life with a child and job and the things I want to do. By no means do I think that life isn't tough for women without children but I realized 3 years and 4 months ago that those little boogers really change things in ways you never imagined and make life so different than before....Oh, and the post is long. I tried to cut it down but just couldn't do it.

I've been reading a lot of articles lately on women and whether or not they can "have it all." The articles are almost a self portrait. I am mid 30s, I am married, I have a beautiful child, I hope to have another beautiful child, I am the Director of a nonprofit organization and almost always work full-time+, I like to exercise a lot, I volunteer in the community, and I am scheduled beyond what a calendar should allow.

Honestly, I want more. One of my greatness strengths is also one of my biggest weaknesses - I am never happy. (now you know!) That doesn't mean that I am not a happy person. It is simple. During training, when I finish a run, I try to figure out how to run faster next time because no matter the speed, it wasn't good enough. During dinner, I try to figure out how to make it better the next time (add more salt, less pepper, more spice...). After every single race that we organize, I make a list of all the things that could have been better.

I was driving to a meeting last week (on very little sleep because of said beautiful child) questioning my life and thinking, "nope, it isn't possible to have it all."

The big question to is, what does it mean to "have it all?" How do you define it? How do the other mothers I know define it? How do runner mothers or other fitness guru mommies define it? How do the moms at pre-school define it? How do retired women define it? How does the media define it? What about society in general?

Truth is, it depends on each individual woman and what they are willing to do to "have it all." I shouldn't judge others and no one should judge me. Perception usually isn't reality so do the women around me feel as though they have it all or are they struggling behind closed doors to make it through the day?

I suppose for some women, it is quite simple (which isn't even simple): go to college; get married; have a kid; get a job; get the laundry done each week; go to the grocery store; and keep plants alive. There are struggles there but the accomplishment of getting laundry done or keeping a plant alive might be all a girl needs. That's cool.

For me personally, it is so much more. Life has become a crazy juggling act. The worst part is when I drop a ball or two and then can't get all of them back in the air. I have no life rhythm and when it happens, it just stinks. Lately, I can't seem to get all the balls in the air.

For me, I want my kid to be happy. Truly happy. I want him to throw his head back in laughter and smile that beautiful big smile of his. I want him to know that he is loved more than anything in the world. I want him to know that he can always call on mommy (seven times in the middle of the night on any given night) and I will always be there.

I want my husband to happy. I want him to know that he is my everything and that nothing makes me happier than having him in my life. I want him to look to the future and see us sitting on a porch (probably still in the condo) watching the cars go by.

And yes, I want the laundry done and the house clean and dinner as family most nights which is always a great deal of effort.

I want to be fit. I want to be a role model for other people. Lately, I've not been competitive running and it has been so much more fun. But, there has been a lot of guilt about it too. In my inner circle, people are competitive runners. Sometimes I feel like less of a runner when not training and when people ask and I say, "oh no, no races coming up." But, I am getting past it. I've been cross training and really getting back to yoga and strength training and am having a good time.

"Having it all" means that I am making a positive impact on my son and my husband, my friends and my community and the community at large. There aren't a ton of definitive outcomes on the last part so it is hard to tell if I am succeeding. Am I making a positive impact? Most days, I have little downtime to reflect so I don't know if I am or not. This is a struggle since I spend a great deal of personal and professional time working on events and programming for our community. It makes me happy so I suppose that is a positive indicator towards my goals.

Most importantly, "having it all" means that I am happy. It is waking up and being excited about my day.

I've had a lot of days lately where I wake up and am not excited about my day. That means that I don't have it all and I need to change some things. I understand that life can be hard and there will be stress but I am at a time where I need to make some changes.

The good news is that the definition of "having it all" will change with our various life cycles. So, I am due a good cup of coffee, some quiet time, and a little life contemplation. Who knows what will come but I will keep on striving to have it all because I am never happy and I always want more. :)